Another frustrating evening
I'm venting a bit here.
Background: after a drunk-driving incident in May, the terms of ex's contact with Kid were visits of no more than two hours, I do the handovers in person, and Kid doesn't get in a car with ex.
Last week, after months of wrangling, ex agreed in mediation to use SoberLink (portable alcohol monitoring technology) as a condition of increased contact with Kid. Excellent! I thought. This will make life so much easier.
Tonight was the first trial run. The deal was that ex would provide a sample before the visit started and another sample just before the visit ended (to indicate he hadn't been drinking during the visit). The before-visit sample was fine. During the visit, I got a text from ex saying he wasn't going to provide the second sample until long after the visit was over, because he had something to eat and "food can produce a false positive". That was NOT the deal. When he brought Kid back at the end of the visit, Kid said that they had driven back to his place to hang out. That was NOT the deal either. I had not indicated that I was fine with him driving Kid to and fro.
So now Kid wants to go all kinds of places with Dad, because "now that Dad has the breathalzyer he said it's okay to do lots of things". Also NOT the deal. So once again I look like the mean mommy (because I have to say to Kid "your father and I need to discuss this - we have not actually agreed that you can go places with him"). And I have ex testing the limits once again, by not providing a second sample as he had agreed to do. Yes, the SoberLink site recommends waiting 15 minutes after eating before providing a sample. To me, that suggests that you don't eat less than 15 minutes before you have agreed to provide a sample, not that you eat when you feel like it and then say "hey, I'll give you a sample later this evening".
I know this is petty and trivial in some respects, but I am SO TIRED of having to manage, monitor and otherwise deal with the shiftiness and deception around his alcohol consumption. It may indeed be true that he ate something without realizing what time it was and it was an honest mistake. But there's a pretty good chance it wasn't. It's almost as though he's pushing to see what he can get away with. I'm envisaging the litany of future excuses for non-compliance.
I wish I could say "Dude, I am not the enemy. The problem is not me. The problem is your drinking. The way to fix the problem is not by trying to find excuses ways to look like you're not drinking. The way to fix the problem is by NOT DRINKING FOR REAL and demonstrating that you are not drinking in ways which are credible".