Going to a rave in about an hour...
I just wanted to say to everyone I will think of all of you when I'm there, though it maybe just another rave, its actually quite special. One this large held in such a prestigious huge building in SF is rare and its only a few blocks from my home. But even more, raves have been a serious delima introduced to my life this year and though I feel like its easy to just tell me stop going, it really isnt that easy.
The number one thing and I mean this with all honest that makes me addicted to raves is the music, it is the very one I've been ONE with for many years, it was only this year I was introduced to places that played even better ones then the music I listen to all day and night and get lost in whether it be engineering code or working out or driving...
The one thing I fear is the drugs. Introduced to it first time this year, and never been to a rave without the drug so far (twice this year).
I met a few friends who do drugs like its nothing and they were going to go with me, I told them I didnt want to do drugs but I've been out with them before and they pressure me a lot to drink and though I had a good time, I know they will pressure me to drop and I am scared of that because I am afraid of addiction / losing my mind. So in an effort to protect myself, I told them I could not make it and that was that. I didnt plan to go, but I cant help it, last minute before it starts I feel the energy everywhere as its only a few blocks from my building and I've decided I'm going to go.
But in an effort to protect myself, I've invited the normal healthy girl who really likes me round here, the one who is really normal, never been to a rave, very familiar with all of my recovery / problems, she is willing to go with me and I think going with healthy people who will just go for the music, the people and dancing like theres no tomorrow maybe a way for me to enjoy the raves without the drugs.
Hopefully I wont have some rave girl seduce me as has happened last time and try to get me in their world...
Thus this time going to a rave is actually very exciting, but yet, I'm nervous, and this is why its special, because its a test for myself I feel. I sometimes fear its the beginning to a big change in my life, yet its somethings that really calls for me in my heart, becoming one with the music and living life to the fullest!
I wanted to say I hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday night, and you will all be in my hearts.
Loves always