Journey Into Night
I’ve got to vent a little since I have no one to talk to. My wife has always had a fascination, but also a fear, of doctors. She does not discuss her health issues (which include cancer) with me. She does not want me to discuss her health with her doctors nor talk to them without her permission. She mentions that she may (or will?) have some surgery soon but does not disclose what it is for. If she does not address her cancer issues I fear she may die within the next three years. I have acquired a cemetery lot and a tombstone but she has never seen it. Every now and then I go over there with the dog. We have a guest in the house tonight and he and my wife are sitting drinking wine and he is carrying on about how he doesn’t trust doctors, particularly psychiatrists or counselors. My wife has a glass or two “to get to sleep” He is feeding her fear of doctors, indirectly supporting her denial and wish to avoid surgery. I requested them to stop and to discuss something else. They refused to do this. The wine bottles are left open in the pantry. I look at them and I feel absolutely no craving to have “just one drink”. I know my AV is still there but it does not seem to be active in this respect. I am furious. Have taken the dog and gone to my room, locked the door. I intend to remain there for the remainder of the evening. If I have said all this before in another thread it’s perfectly all right to delete it. It did me a lot of good just to write it. Reminds me of Eugene O’Neill’s play, “A Long Day’s Journey Into Night”
W