wpainterw

I’ve got to vent a little since I have no one to talk to. My wife has always had a fascination, but also a fear, of doctors. She does not discuss her health issues (which include cancer) with me. She does not want me to discuss her health with her doctors nor talk to them without her permission. She mentions that she may (or will?) have some surgery soon but does not disclose what it is for. If she does not address her cancer issues I fear she may die within the next three years. I have acquired a cemetery lot and a tombstone but she has never seen it. Every now and then I go over there with the dog. We have a guest in the house tonight and he and my wife are sitting drinking wine and he is carrying on about how he doesn’t trust doctors, particularly psychiatrists or counselors. My wife has a glass or two “to get to sleep” He is feeding her fear of doctors, indirectly supporting her denial and wish to avoid surgery. I requested them to stop and to discuss something else. They refused to do this. The wine bottles are left open in the pantry. I look at them and I feel absolutely no craving to have “just one drink”. I know my AV is still there but it does not seem to be active in this respect. I am furious. Have taken the dog and gone to my room, locked the door. I intend to remain there for the remainder of the evening. If I have said all this before in another thread it’s perfectly all right to delete it. It did me a lot of good just to write it. Reminds me of Eugene O’Neill’s play, “A Long Day’s Journey Into Night”

W

Dee74

I'm sorry Bill - sounds like a tough situation all round for you.
At least we both have a place to vent and be understood

D

wpainterw

Thanks so much Dee! You are a true friend, as are all the others on SR! The key to happiness is helping people. This is what we do. This is what you do.

Della1968

I am sorry Bill. I am sure this is very hard for you. I have you both in my thoughts.

SoberLeigh

((((Bill)))). I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Love and Peace.

Jules714

Goodness, that's a lot going on.
Sorry to hear. Big hug!
Jules

Hevyn

Bill, I don't blame you in the least for feeling as you do regarding their discussion. I'd most likely be feeling the same way. I'm glad you wanted to talk about it here. Sending much love out to you.

tursiops999

Bill, that sounds very tough, and maddening not to be able to discuss the health issues in a straightforward way. I know you're concerned about her and trying to do the right thing. Hard when we have stubborn people in our lives ... My elderly dad is similar. Thinking of you.

Maudcat

I know. My mom, 92, really hates going to the doctor, and gives us a terrible time about it.
She is actually in decent shape. Lungs are clear, bp is good, and her heart is strong.
But she sure hates going to the doctor, any doctor.

Ariesagain

Sending you a hug.

MythOfSisyphus

Hang in there, W. As you say sometimes it's therapy just to write it down or speak it out loud. I don't know if it's true for sure but I once read that in some Asian cultures it's customary to write letters to the dead and burn them that the smoke will carry the message to them. Be it fact or fiction I've long been enchanted with the idea for that same reason- even if the Universe doesn't read the message it helps the writer to have written it.

Berrybean

I suppose we tend to align ourselves with others who help us to rationalise the stupid-arse stuff we do. I did it with drinking - finding others who either drank with me or would fall for my pity-party rationalisations for drinking an tell me I was right and it wasn't my fault (Ohhhh poor Berry kinda thing).

I suppose your wife has found that friend who tells her what she wants to hear. It's a shame, but you know, even without that friend's input, if she's unwilling to think / talk about it that's where she is, and there's nothing you can do to change her as well you know.

Prayers for you and your wife Bill. Sounds like you're on a rocky and uphill part of your path at the moment. Remember though - you are not alone, no matter how much it might feel that way at times.

BB x

wpainterw

To all out there. Many, many thanks for all your loving support. We planted a tree yesterday. A Chinese Weeping Redbud. Nearby we have a Chinese Weeping Wisteria tree, a Kwanzan Cherry. A Sixty foot high elm which I planted from a six foot high stick about 17 years ago. Our gardener says it may grow to 80 feet. Will be around for at least a hundred years, maybe more. A footprint.

Bill.

Nonsensical

You've left more than one.

Hevyn

Hi Bill. I googled the Chinese Weeping Redbud Tree - didn't know about them. Blossoms are fuschia? Looks beautiful - hope it thrives.

wpainterw

Thanks. That's just what I wanted to do. As the "doughboys" (why did they call themselves that?) scrawled on shattered buildings, "Kilroy was here!" Yes, we old geezers remember Kilroy and each Memorial Day we place a little flag on his grave. There's one on my dad's grave...

Bill

least

Bill, you can always vent to us. We love you and understand.

Dee74

Some of us youngsters remember Kilroy too Bill



D

wpainterw

If you want one google it and order from Nature Hills Com. out in the far midwest. They also have other exotics, such as a Chinese Weeping Blue Wysteria tree and a Japanese Lilac Bush (yellow). Lots of Tau around these parts! My grandson claims he is learning Mandarin Chinese. Lots of luck on that buster!

Bill

chicory

Bill, I bet your property is just gorgeous! I still have the photo of the white flowers that you emailed me.

Frustrating for you, no doubt, Bill, to be worried and yet unable to discuss this with her. It reminds me of how we cannot make a person chose not to drink. Its their choice, for better or worse. I am , however, very glad that you do not want that old drink. You enjoy those fine things in life... the dog, flowers, trees, nature. What could be better, dear friend? Dog is the most loyal and loving thing in the world, I think.

hugs...
chic