Facing Reality
I stumbled across this forum today. I am five days sober and I guess I really didn't realize how hard this would be.
I'm not sure exactly what caused me to finally realize that I had an abuse problem, but it might have been the fact that I drank 2 handles of vodka in 2 weeks plus a 15 pack of beer somewhere in between. It also might have been when I wanted to get home earlier and earlier from work so I could start drinking. Or maybe when the only way I could get anything done around the house was by drinking first.
So I'm done with that. I'm done feeling like garbage every day. I'm done doing everything hungover. I'm done forgetting hours of every day. I'm done killing myself.
I haven't told anyone except one friend that I was doing this, and I framed it in a way that made it seem less than it was. I feel like I can't tell my family or anyone else, so I'm kind of doing this on my own and I've been doing pretty good so far? I'm really glad I found this site though; all of the posts have been so uplifting and inspiring so I really feel like I can do it. I'm also looking into meetings at my local church.
One thing that's really hard for me to swallow is the idea of never drinking again, and I think that's something I need to accept if I'm going to be okay. I keep asking myself what about drinking and being drunk is so great, and I always come up with nothing, so I'm using that to fuel the fire. I have a mantra of all the positive things these last five days have brought to help me when I feel like I want to drink.
This got away from me a bit, but I'm glad I found this site and I'm glad to be here. Soon I'll be one week!