Trying to keep my boundaries
In the past few months, husband and I have not talked much about stepson 26 years old (ss). (Currently living with his mom & stepdad.) Last night I asked him if he had heard anything about court and ss's legal problems. He hadn't... then said, "oh, by the way, mom & stepdad are going out of town next month and asked if he could stay here and I said yes...forgot to mention it to you"
I felt my eyebrows shoot through the roof and a sinking feeling in my gut. "well..." I said, trying to formulate my thoughts and figure out how I could "gently" tell him, that I do not believe that he's clean. (Judging from my eyes the last 2 times I've seen him) Before I could say more, he shut me down. Told me he would take him camping or something cause really, he doesn't want to deal with or hear anything remotely negative when it comes to his kids, and believe me when I tell you, I DO NOT bash on them, but a LOT of what goes on is negative.
At 26 he wouldn't need to be babysat if he was on the right track. If things were going ok over there, we would be the last people they would be contacting. I have the seen this family pass the problems back and forth for years. Earlier this year he WAS living at our house, until the last episode of meth psychosis.
WHY do I feel like a weekend would open the door to more? Why do I feel like the bad guy? Why do I feel guilty? I know in my gut I can not go down this road again, not when he shows no signs of recovery. But I am so tired of feeling like the bad guy, the unsupportive one, when I've tried so hard again and again and AGAIN to help this "kid".
I feel too like I cant really express it to husband as he doesnt want to hear it, after shutting me down so quick. He's still trying to please everyone which is impossible.
It just sucks, everytime there is a few month of peace and I think boundaries are in place it come rushing back in. I'm so so tired of feeling guilty and like the bad guy. And, he always throws it in my face, that it's because it's not "my kid" but that ISN'T true. Sure feelings are somewhat different, but if anything I am a lot softer on his kids than I am on my own. ugh. It just feels like there is no right answer. and its always ugly.