ALCOHOLISM SUCKS. As does a lot o your history. Your kids- it seems unfair they are angry and labelling you, but who else can they blame? I have 2 adult sons who do not talk to me. I should have died from very severe burns from a blackout-cuiggie-f/glass splint- booze). My family abandoned me in hospital- leaving me homeless, with no possessions or money. I eventually found help and imporve every day. After hospital I gave up for 6 weeks- and the shock, pain and the supermarket of prescribed drugs I was on took their toll and drank 5 litres of wine a day- in a hell boarding house full of druggies. In hosipital they thought I had alcohol dementia.
Alcohol will make EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING WORSE. Get professional help- support. A women's health support place- AA meetings, the local church, a counsellor. It is hard work but you need to fix yourself. You cannot change what your kids feel or think.
Empathy, compassion and support to you.