Welcome to the club mummy, the club no one wants to belong too!!
You will learn on this forum that "titles" (alcoholic ) really doesn't mean anything. Is he or isn't he? It really doesn't matter. His drinking is causing problems in your life and marriage. I think 100 % of the spouses on this forum would answer yes to some or all of your questions above..
So now what is the next step??? Have your looked into any alanon or open aa meetings. I would seek out an addiction therapist and educate yourself about addiction. Keep reading all over this forum and realize that your husband is no different than any other addict on this forum. They all do typically the same thing. They like to drink, and don't want their loved ones intruding in their space. They will protect it at all costs even giving up their family, job or even home to drink, something we can't even comprehend. (So don't even try)
What the f&f forum teaches, is how to take care of ourselves and kids. It educates us on how this disease is progressive and it will get worse. It's a great resource to ask questions and and get advice from people who have walked in your shoes and survived, and who are actually thriving. There is lots of help for us codies, you just need to work at finding that peace. Hugs, we all get it on this forum!!