You can’t PLEASE an alcoholic well. Your feelings, your actions never had anything to do with your fathers drinking and doesn’t have a thing to do with your husbands drinking.
You didn’t Cause it.
You Can’t Cure it.
You can’t control it.
If we believe we have the ability to cause someone else to drink then we believe we must have the ability to make them stop. And the fact is, NO on both!!!
He needs to blame you because if he were to blame himself he’d have to actually do something about it. It’s far easier for him to continue to drink and use you as his excuse.
I think al-anon would be a great place for you to check out.