While I can appreciate what you are saying let me ask - have you ever been in this situation?
Minnie--it's pretty safe to say that EVERYONE here has been in this situation. We ALL had "good parts" in our relationships. We ALL wanted our A's to become "the person we knew they could be." Your thread is nothing out of the ordinary for a newcomer in terms of how you feel and what you are experiencing.
Actually, your feeling that your situation is somehow unique and special isn't even unusual--in fact, it's so common that there is a term for it, "terminal uniqueness." You can google it if you've not come across it before.
Know what else isn't unique? Your resistance to the idea that YOUR OWN thought process might need some revamping. I know I sure resisted that idea! Dammit,
I was not the alcoholic,
I was not the one who lied again and again,
I DID NOT HAVE A PROBLEM, HE DID!!! (stomping feet for emphasis)
Ahem...I turned out to be wrong. Waaaaaay wrong. Nope, I didn't cause the drinking problem, but I sure had participated in the issues, right up to my elbows. It takes a while to understand this, and I know I was really mad for quite some time at any insinuation that somehow I was part of the problem.
What I think atalose is saying is that someone who is healthy would never have stuck around when someone who she'd only been with for 3 months made it clear that he had a drinking problem he was NOT interested in addressing. A healthy person would have said "OK, see ya" and moved on. A less healthy one sticks around and starts counting drinks, to see if she can somehow control that person and his drinking. A less healthy one puts up with "manhandling"--do you see what I'm saying? ANY of the dangerous behaviors you mention would be a huge red flag and a sign to move on to someone w/healthy boundaries. The simple fact that you stayed indicates some problems with your own thought processes that certainly can lead you to repeat this pattern again and again if you don't come to grips w/those problems and change your OWN behaviors and mindset.
Are you doing anything for your own recovery and continuing education, like Alanon, therapy w/someone who has experience w/alcoholism, reading widely here at SR, and/or reading books from the reading suggestions in the stickies? All of those things can help you NOT find yourself in this situation again--I'm glad you're here, but I do NOT want to see you here again in a year or two, typing the same post about ANOTHER A!!