Note
Hello guys,
Sorry I have been away and thank you for the well wishes. Inc, I am so glad you were able to reach out here and I am sorry I wasn't one of those who were here for you. I hope you continue to recover in the same strong spirit. You are most definitely on the right track my friend. Amp, I am sorry that you had some serious crap at work and that you feel outside your social group, but you have a very positive mindset which will carry you through. Who knew you could get your apartment fixed up! SG you seem to have a calm state of mind which is nothing more than you deserve. You have got your life back, and you only get one shot at life. Commitment and discipline - good work! D, forever supportive - I hope you had a great vacation - you are a good man.
So what brings me here? Well, although I have been out of sight none of you has been out of mind. So I have been here throughout, just not visibly. And in terms of showing up visibly, well I hope late is better than never. Thank you for being here.
Things have been mixed, but ultimately not mixed up I suppose. I am sober but sometimes I am not out of the woods, whereas sometimes I truly cannot imagine why I would want to drink. The last time I picked up a beer was yesterday, but I didn't drink it. I never do. Odd huh. Anyway, things are a bit complex for me but I have been trying to figure a few things out. I finally managed to achieve a major personal milestone that I had set myself some time ago, which is fantastic and life affirming. I also have worked out the value of many things and concluded that it is zero. Don't focus on wealth focus on health. Been reading a lot. A LOT. Meditating is also back in my life. My work is keeping me up at night and away from home for spells but I think that part is all fine.
I have been reading a lot about diet, modern medicine, pharma companies and their sponsorship of well known health societies that promote misconceptions in society. About modern society and about how we are killing ourselves. And I am not some kind of raving lunatic who believes that greater power comes from hugging carrots or whatever. Just that we humans have really got it so tragically wrong. Then I get onto my own wasted time, harm and suffering caused, and all of that. Oh boy.
Here is what I have found. Once you figure out that the problem really is you, and only you, and that you want to solve things for you, you can fix the problem. Then comes the issue of moving on in terms of who you are. You have to leave the old guy in the past while the new you embraces the future and lives life with passion. Until you find out what drives you, what makes you want to get up in the morning, your social circle will remain the same or be non existent. When you find out what it is that you want, you can go for it with those similar people who will also not drink or whatever. Art, chess, walking, whatever. I had a non alcoholic beer the other day because it was literally the only thing available where I was, and I was desperately thirsty in a hot tent and I wanted to stay. An ex con was talking about how he turned his life around. Inspirational stuff. I was indifferent to the fact it was beer. If you are where you want to be your past doesn't have to define you.
Anyway I am rambling as usual. Thank you for allowing me to say hello - I miss you all.
Best wishes
OMD