It's never your fault... You cannot MAKE someone else do something.
It sounds incompatible like the square peg, round hole analogy.
Me and my husband sound like this but although neither of us drink alcohol anymore (5 years him, almost 4 for me!) our reasons for stopping and our thinking is very different.
I cannot be in a 'proper' relationship with him because of this difference undermining my security in sobriety.
After living together for 8 years, married for 6, he moved out a few months ago.
I can't put ANYTHING above my sobriety.
If that means sacrificing my marriage to a man I have loved for over 20 years then that's what I choose over and above sacrificing myself to anyone else's truth I have to LIVE MY LIFE.
Point is you can't change other people, only ourselves and our reactions.
Counselling seems a good place to start on this dilemma