Betty1983

Hi,

I'm new here, so apologies if this is the wrong place to post this.

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we're both 34. I knew going in that alcohol had been an issue with him, but I had no idea the extent. I drink as well, but never been a problem drinker by any account. We had a great relationship, probably the best I've ever been in and we couldn't wait to move in with each other. I have a 7 year old son, so we didn't rush it. After about a year and a half of dating and things going awesome and he got along great with my son, we moved in and things changed.

Under the same roof I realized how much he was actually drinking. Soon enough, like weeks into living together, I started seeing a side of him I hadn't before. He came home absolutely enraged sometimes. The name calling started, he started breaking things in the house (windows, doors, my patio furniture, dishes...). He's shoved me, intimidated me, threatened me, though that kind of thing has been few and far between. I know that's still not ok though. In between these episodes he's wonderful and I know that's what kept me around, hoping I could convince him to get help, to go back to what we had before. But more and more, I feel unhappy even during the good times. He also gambles to an extreme.

My last straw was last weekend. He became angry for no reason and stormed out, then was "mad" at me for two days and I couldn't get him to tell me why. I was just treated to more name calling, more anger. I tried to be sort of...zen about it, I guess. Not let him get to me and that made it worse until he finally attacked my weight, knowing that I struggled with eating disorders for many years and what that comment would do to me. That was the bucket of ice water over my head, and I knew I couldn't do this anymore.

He's still hanging around, because he "has nowhere to go" and trying to change my mind. He got drunk and slashed my tires the other night. I'm getting the locks changed as soon as possible.

And still, I feel guilty for ending it, I feel like I'm hurting him. Intellectually I know this is what's best, but I feel like my head's a mess. I feel confused and so guilty and so dumb for putting up with this for the past year and months we've lived together. My self esteem is in the toilet, I feel anxious and sad.

Sorry if that was long, I just wanted to vent and to see what anyone thought, what I should do to get him to understand he's got to go, understand that this is over.