I've been reading this board for a few months and this is my first post.
It's been such a relief to know that others are going through the same thing and I'm not going crazy!
I'd like to get your advice on the current state of things in my situation.
Summary: AH has had a drinking problem for our entire marriage, 8 years. It has, of course, progressed over time and it's gotten really bad the past 6 months. He has been getting drunk every weekend since February. This has been taking a toll on me and our two young kids (ages 6 and 4).
He admits he has a problem and can't control it anymore. He made an attempt to get help in April when I gave him the phone number of an addiction treatment place and he had a few sessions with a counselor. I'm pretty sure the counselor was recommending he sign up for the their 12 Step treatment program and possibly inpatient treatment but he refused and stopped meeting with her. (He's been against doing any group meetings.)
Last month I told him I can't take this anymore and he either gets help or we get a divorce. He said he would get help, but dragged his feet for 3 weeks playing phone tag trying to sign up for the treatment program... He's finally signed up to start this week -- today in fact. Four days a week of 2-hour group meetings, plus a 1-hour individual meeting with a counselor.
This is great, except already these meetings are conflicting with his plans. He's supposed to attend Wednesday, Thurs, Fri, and Saturday this week, but we had scheduled a weekend trip Friday through the weekend. He wants to miss the Friday and Saturday meetings for this trip. As a compromise I suggested we leave for the trip on Saturday so he could at least attend 3 meetings this week, but he is adamant not to change his original plans. The next two weeks also have weekend plans set and he doesn't want to change them.
I'm so mad at this for many reasons. 1. I feel like recovery isn't his top priority. 2. He's being selfish and doesn't understand how important this treatment is. 3. Our marriage is hanging by a thread and he can't compromise and do this for me. 4. Last weekend was absolutely horrible and he was drunk and/or sleeping the entire time. I can't imagine he'll be able to control himself this weekend, so in my mind the more meetings he can attend this week might help him during the weekend.
Is this a sign that he's not committed to recovery yet? I have no trust in him at this point, especially with his behavior last weekend. Am I trying to control his recovery too much? Do I just need to let this go and let him miss all the meetings he wants and see what happens?
Thanks so much for any words of wisdom. I know you all say the recovery process is a long journey itself and he's only at the beginning. I just feel like I'm at the end of the line here and if he has one more slip up I need to leave him. I've given him enough chances and I can't take the lying anymore.