I don't know how to keep going.
Hi I been in a very low mood for the past 3 1/2 months.
All start went I push away my best friend them broke up with the girl that I was dating went she ask why I lie to her the true was that I fell in love with my best friend a married woman ( i know I **** up big time)
I being trying to let go try to be angry at her.
I didn't want the physical part just the friendship.
Today I decide to quit my home group I don't believe in AA as a fellowship lots of people show friendship and after few day or week they just walk away it make me feel that because I look different and I speak English with an accent they don't like me.
I miss my work it keep me out of my head a lot of the time but my foot still broke. I don't sleep is affecting me physically I don't eat regularly
And my oldes granddaughter is here and I don't know what to do.
I feel like a **** up.
I know I don't want to drink or drug any more still believe in my HP.
My sponsor is going in different route too that he ask is I look for new sponsor
Some times late at night I ask death to came for me I beg for it.
And I know about one door closed and another open but I don't find it. I being so angry inside. For feeling worthless.
Ok I think is enough for now.
Thank you for listening