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I don't know how to keep going.

Old 07-14-2017, 07:06 PM
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I don't know how to keep going.

Hi I been in a very low mood for the past 3 1/2 months.
All start went I push away my best friend them broke up with the girl that I was dating went she ask why I lie to her the true was that I fell in love with my best friend a married woman ( i know I **** up big time)
I being trying to let go try to be angry at her.
I didn't want the physical part just the friendship.
Today I decide to quit my home group I don't believe in AA as a fellowship lots of people show friendship and after few day or week they just walk away it make me feel that because I look different and I speak English with an accent they don't like me.
I miss my work it keep me out of my head a lot of the time but my foot still broke. I don't sleep is affecting me physically I don't eat regularly
And my oldes granddaughter is here and I don't know what to do.
I feel like a **** up.
I know I don't want to drink or drug any more still believe in my HP.
My sponsor is going in different route too that he ask is I look for new sponsor
Some times late at night I ask death to came for me I beg for it.
And I know about one door closed and another open but I don't find it. I being so angry inside. For feeling worthless.
Ok I think is enough for now.
Thank you for listening
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Old 07-14-2017, 07:16 PM
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Erfra, do you think maybe you're depressed? Have you ever seen a Dr about that?

If you feel at all suicidal, even only late at night, maybe ringing a crisis line could help?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

I'm sorry you feel like the fellowship of AA is not working for you.

I'd urge you to think about that more tho cos as long as I've known you AA has really seemed a good fir for you, and you for it.

I hope you and your granddaughter have a good time together.

D
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Old 07-14-2017, 07:26 PM
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I'm on medication for depression to me it seeing that is working. Thank you for inspirational words.
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Old 07-14-2017, 07:31 PM
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Hey Erfra

I've been depressed and suicidal too mate, tried on three occasions with earnestness.

My depression has gotten better largely due to cognitive behavioral therapy, it might not work for you, but there's other stuff out there.

Maybe talk to your doctor for additional ideas for treatment?
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Old 07-14-2017, 08:05 PM
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Erfra: Hang in there hon. Many of us have felt similar to some of the things you are feeling. Not sleeping and not eating are big factors too. I would say sleep disturbances play a huge role in so much and big contributor to depression. Speaking for myself: I am just not in my right mind when I don't sleep well. I know you've been on anti-depressants, but sometimes it's necessary to go back to the Dr. and let them know it's not working right now and get on something else or up the dose. Also, they might have some suggestions to help you sleep. You've got to eat, even if you don't feel like it. Eating well again can be a big turning point for a lot of people. Sending you a big hug.
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Old 07-14-2017, 08:19 PM
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And, you're not worthless. Not even close.
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Old 07-14-2017, 09:25 PM
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great honesty erfra7

not everyone has the courage you do to admit theyre struggling

the #1 thing that helps me at meetings or otherwise is people who talk about their struggles

and not always and only about how grateful they are and how well theyre doing

helps me feel more apart of and less apart from

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Old 07-14-2017, 09:36 PM
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prayers to you
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Old 07-14-2017, 11:11 PM
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Hi Efra,

I am sorry you are feeling so down. I always look forward to your inspirational posts on the 24 hour thread. They set my day off on a positive note.

You definitely sound depressed, I would give your doctor a call back and let them know how you are feeling, maybe the medication you are taking is not the right fit anymore.

I'm sorry about your girlfriend and your friend. The end of relationships can definitely affect us emotionally. Have you thought about seeing a counselor in addition to your doctor to help you work through this.

As for AA, although I do not attend, I agree with Dee that it has seemed to really be a good fit for you. Much of what you share with us comes from some of the things you have learned there. Have you tried out other groups besides your home group?

Please stick close to here this weekend, and post as much as you need. Also, enjoy the time with your granddaughter.

❤️Delilah
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Old 07-15-2017, 04:14 AM
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4:13 am still up.
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Old 07-15-2017, 10:05 AM
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ugh

Insomnia just point blank sucks. Those who don't struggle with it or who have never struggled with it don't understand and they say things like, "Why can't you just sleep?! What's keeping you awake? Well, if you'd do this or that, then maybe you wouldn't have so much trouble sleeping." For many it's simply not that simple.

I truly believe lack of sleep is a big contributor to post-partum psychosis.
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Old 07-15-2017, 10:20 AM
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How are you today, Erfra? Thinking of you and pulling for you in this dark time. Your honesty and sincerity are an example to me, even now, while you feel such despair.

I agree with Dee's comments...and am glad you are already in a doctor's care for depression. I bet lack of normal physical activity with your foot broken has contributed to depression.

Please hang in here with us in the SR community. You are a very important voice among us. All your posts on SR are true service to others here.
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Old 07-15-2017, 11:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Andagain View Post
Hey Erfra

I've been depressed and suicidal too mate, tried on three occasions with earnestness.

My depression has gotten better largely due to cognitive behavioral therapy, it might not work for you, but there's other stuff out there.

Maybe talk to your doctor for additional ideas for treatment?
I concur completely. Hang in there erfra! I too, have been on a good antidepressant for some months now but I didn't really start to make progress until, like Andagain, I began seeing a cognitive beh, therapist on a weekly basis. Def. talk more to your medical provider's about it!
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Old 07-15-2017, 11:10 AM
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Good morning. Good people , thanks.
You know guys and gals, through all I going I don't feel like getting drunk.
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Old 07-15-2017, 11:40 AM
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Then you will surely find your way, Erfra. So glad you share your way with us.
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Old 07-15-2017, 12:11 PM
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We understand the struggle, Erfra and really appreciate your honesty! I don't know if you realize how much you help others by posting what you do....
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Old 07-15-2017, 01:26 PM
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Hi Efra,

Glad drinking is nowhere on your radar. Sorry you couldn't sleep, are you feeling any better today?
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Old 07-15-2017, 02:48 PM
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Hi Delilah yes I'm feeling better today thank god.
Going to watch a movie with my granddaughter this afternoon them shopping for a BBQ tomorrow my oldes son is moving to the island of Victoria and the family is getting together to say vonvage with love. Hope that you all know how grateful I'm for all your support and love and everything with out you I can not this.
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Old 07-15-2017, 04:28 PM
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Really glad you're feeling better Erfra
D
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Old 07-15-2017, 04:56 PM
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Erfra, I'm really glad you're feeling better. You are worth fighting for. I hope you consider talking to your dr if you continue to feel depressed. And, please know we are here for you.
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