Originally Posted by
WhiteFeathers 
I'm learning that it's OK to hold my husband to the same standard as an average Subway sandwiches employee. Show up sober and on time. Be present. Be accountable. Or lose your job.
I love this. LOVE this. I am a firm believer that expectations are the root of disappointment, especially when an active addict is involved. But I ALSO believe that we have a right to have basic expectations of our closest loved ones, and that if those expectations are consistently not met, to remove those people from our lives. In this way, some very low-level, basic expectations become a type of boundary when it comes to our qualifiers.
I can't even count the number of times I heard "what's wrong with me having a few beers after a long day at work?!?" and retorted with "because you are not PRESENT here with us. You interact with the entire world through that filter. Even when you aren't being an abusive jerk, it still isn't YOU. You don't deserve a gold medal just because you haven't called me a horrible name today."