Firing the High Functioning Alcoholic
I work as a public school teacher. If I came to work drunk, even one time, it would obviously be over. I'd get fired. Or at least I'd have some serious disciplinary consequences. The school district would not have to wait for something bad to happen-- for instance, I pass out while caring for children. The fact that I'd be drunk at work would be enough.
If I were to show up drunk to work, it would show that I have little regard for my job. I would not be able to perform in that state. I would be putting innocent lives at risk by not being present to respond to problems.
There are a few jobs out there I can name (maybe, bartender) where drinking on the job is OK. Most employers expect their employees to be fully present and ready to work-- obviously that's hard to do if you've been drinking.
I bring this up because I've seen so many threads on this board from spouses who feel uncomfortable with the amount their parters drink, but are able to minimize their own concerns by saying "well, he's high functioning." Which I suppose we are supposed to understand means that he (or she) doesn't live under a bridge with a brown paper bag.
But consider this, most of the work we do in our lives is the unpaid emotional work of human existence-- filling the role of father, mother, husband, wife, child, friend, neighbor, etc... These are not roles that "happen to us"-- in fact, we are privileged that we GET to serve in that capacity. I do not HAVE to be a mother, for example, I CHOSE to be a mother and I take that responsibility seriously and with the most appreciation.
When "High Functioning" alcoholics routinely show up to their emotional work drunk and hungover-- even if they are not mid-seizure or crashing their cars into farmers' market stands-- they are not taking their job seriously. They do not have high regard for their job. They are also putting innocent lives at risk by not being able to respond to situations (and I'm not just talking about 911 emergency calls, but any situation that a family member might need help with).
Consider your High Functioning alcoholic partner constantly showing up to the important emotional work of being a parent or spouse drunk. This would not fly anywhere else. Why does it fly in your house, or my house?
I'm learning that it's OK to hold my husband to the same standard as an average Subway sandwiches employee. Show up sober and on time. Be present. Be accountable. Or lose your job.