James, I'm sorry you have been drinking, but you can stop it. You say you "hope" you can stop tomorrow, but there's no hoping, just doing. You have the power to not buy the wine, to not pour it through your body.
You are right; you know where this is heading. You don't "deserve" drinking for your birthday: you actually deserve much, much better and more for yourself. Give yourself the gift of a healthier, stronger you without drinking driving your life.
You can get back on the right track. Even happier birthdays are ahead!
We are here to help.