Oh such good things! Hugs to you all. Ariesagain, Bekindalways, amy55, honeypig
honeypig was thinking about that last night.
So why separate it? Not because I didn't think I would be welcome but because I am ashamed. I see there is no reason for it but thats the truth. I am ashamed. To think I may be on the other side (alcoholic) or could end up there is new to me. In all those years I almost never drank. I was a tea totaler, living for him, trying to develop a safe place for him, if I am not drinking neither is he. Such logic…not!
When I finally said enough 2 years ago and asked for a divorce I broke… I shattered into a million pieces. It was more than, “I Thought,” I could take. Last year I did end up on suicide watch, I did try to end my life and self destruct with wine and benydryl. And subsequently in the last couple months found I was drinking alone to end the pain. Not a lot or often but for all the wrong reasons. Of all people I know the slippery slope I could be headed for. I turned to the very thing I loathed. So simply… no more. My safe little home is now that. Thanks again honeypig.
Amy55 I am so inspired by you buying a foreclosure log cabin. I can see the healing that might come from working on you and the cabin. What a beautiful message. I so want to know my own likes and dislikes. I want to know who I am. I have never know who I was with PTSD from childhood, bouts of life crippling depression, social anxiety, severe panic. Almost 24/7 body on high alert or shut down because that could not be sustained. Wow, I am discovering a lot.
I truly look forward to Today. Free from all but one anxiety med. Free to enjoy the sun and my cat, free to start studying again. Free to plan my week to challenge myself to get out more and face my fears. This fall I am taking on the challenge of Anatomy & Physiology 2 and tutoring A & P 1. Hope to fill out Grant application today. Slowly slowly discovering!
Heartfelt Hugs
and good thoughts to everyone in all these situations