Hey Missy, welcome! Today is day 5 for me and I actually have been through something very similar. I have social anxiety/agoraphobia/severe panic disorder. I was prescribed klonopin and xanax after my husband passed away in 2009. Pretty soon they weren't "enough" so I started to drink a LOT on top of those, especially when I had to leave the house. In 2011 I checked myself into an inpatient treatment center because after doing some research I realized that detoxing from both alcohol and benzos would be extremely dangerous. Have you looked into that at all? Do you have health insurance? These days they make it pretty manageable to get in and set up a payment plan. If anything, I found it to be a really nice 28 day reprieve and allow me to just reset. I maintained 3 years of sobriety after that experience. I relapsed in 2014 and my sobriety has been off and on since then.
But this is the biggest thing I wanted to tell you- the thing I have noticed with drinking and having severe anxiety is that as you know, alcohol is a depressant. So as soon as alcohol starts leaving your body, you get a rebound anxiety that is much worse than if you hadn't put it into your body to begin with, does that make sense? Same with benzos- especially if you're taking a short acting one like xanax. When they start to wear off, you get a rebound anxiety that is worse than if you hadn't originally taken it. I think benzos have their time and place for traumatic events, but they're not meant to be used long term. I really really hope and pray that you can get out of this cycle. Once I was able to break it, it's AMAZING how much better my panic is! I still struggle with it but it's not the shaking, intense fear that I'm going to die like I had when I was using substances to try to "control" that feeling. Even after 5 days sober I feel so much more at peace. Please message me if you have any questions. We're all here for your and rooting you on!