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Addicted to diazepam and alcohol, panic attack all the time. .

Old 07-08-2017, 06:28 AM
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Addicted to diazepam and alcohol, panic attack all the time. .

Hi I am new to all this but seeing as tho there is so many people on here going through similar things I hope I can find some help/comfort/advice .... I am 39 years old and am struggling with benzo and alcohol addiction. Both my parents have passed away and have no family around or friends really that can help or understand. .. I have suffered with panic attacks since I was 18 which is when I first started taking pills and have been on them ever since intermittently, but now am taking them daily as my panic attacks are so bad . I barely leave the house unless with my bf and that's if I'm ok and not to panicky. I have always liked a drink but realise it has taken over my life now and need help to stop. If there is anyone else who is either got through this or is going through it I would love to chat and mb see that it is possible to feel human again and not have to have all these crutches /addictions ! Also what is really worrying me is my doctor has decided to cut me back on my pills and I really don't know what the hell I am going to do as I have bad acrophobia and social phobia and travel phobia so without these pills I feel my life is gona end . I havnt been honest with my doctor about the alcohol that I drink because I'm concerned that she will stop my tablets altogether as I do mix them with alcohol . X

Last edited by Missyk; 07-08-2017 at 06:40 AM. Reason: Need to change my heading for post .
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Old 07-08-2017, 07:18 AM
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Hey Missy, welcome! Today is day 5 for me and I actually have been through something very similar. I have social anxiety/agoraphobia/severe panic disorder. I was prescribed klonopin and xanax after my husband passed away in 2009. Pretty soon they weren't "enough" so I started to drink a LOT on top of those, especially when I had to leave the house. In 2011 I checked myself into an inpatient treatment center because after doing some research I realized that detoxing from both alcohol and benzos would be extremely dangerous. Have you looked into that at all? Do you have health insurance? These days they make it pretty manageable to get in and set up a payment plan. If anything, I found it to be a really nice 28 day reprieve and allow me to just reset. I maintained 3 years of sobriety after that experience. I relapsed in 2014 and my sobriety has been off and on since then.

But this is the biggest thing I wanted to tell you- the thing I have noticed with drinking and having severe anxiety is that as you know, alcohol is a depressant. So as soon as alcohol starts leaving your body, you get a rebound anxiety that is much worse than if you hadn't put it into your body to begin with, does that make sense? Same with benzos- especially if you're taking a short acting one like xanax. When they start to wear off, you get a rebound anxiety that is worse than if you hadn't originally taken it. I think benzos have their time and place for traumatic events, but they're not meant to be used long term. I really really hope and pray that you can get out of this cycle. Once I was able to break it, it's AMAZING how much better my panic is! I still struggle with it but it's not the shaking, intense fear that I'm going to die like I had when I was using substances to try to "control" that feeling. Even after 5 days sober I feel so much more at peace. Please message me if you have any questions. We're all here for your and rooting you on!
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Old 07-08-2017, 07:33 AM
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Benzo addiction is quite the ordeal. The withdrawal is quite horrendous.

I would think that your doctor is cutting you back due to the fact that you have been on these benzos for longer than anyone should be. They are used for short term situations. At least this was the info given when my doctor prescribed them. He also spoke of the addictive nature of the benzos and how getting off of them would be a tapering method as my body would experience severe side effects.

I know you are scared to stop using the benzos and that is understandable. Are you willing to talk with your doctor about a different med that does not have the addictive qualities for your phobias?

As you know, mixing alcohol and benzos can lead to death or severe complications that may not be reversible.

You can get sober. It will take time. Talk with your doctor about tapering off the benzos and stay close to SR.

If you are serious about quitting drinking there are many methods that you can employ to help. AA, SMART, AVRT, SR, and many other ways that may suitable for your life.

Have you thought about a rehabilitation facility to help you get off the benzos and alcohol? Perhaps a stable, controlled environment with professionals may be beneficial?
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Old 07-08-2017, 03:45 PM
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Benzo addiction with alcohol is a tough one man. Back in the day, doctor's thought nothing of refilling perscriptions. I had an endless supply of valium. I ended up in a treatment center that eventually cut me off. Talk about angry. Couldn't understand why cause it really helped with my "anxiety". Years later, I found a doctor that was more than happy to perscribe loranzapan (sp). I jumped at the chance cause I'm an addict.
Long story short, I found other ways to deal with my anxiety but it hasn't been
easy. The combination of opiates and alcohol is a death sentence. I strongly suggest you enter a rehab facility so you are medically supervised to deal with it. It's not a fun thing to do, but it might just save your life. You won't regret it. John
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Old 07-08-2017, 03:50 PM
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Forgot to mention. I know a lot about panic attacks and having a hard time leaving my house because of it. It's a terrible way to live. Nowadays. there are many ways to deal with it. There are non-addictive meds. that can help, along with various kinds of therapy. I'd take advantage of any opportunities you have available to you. The alternatives aren't very pretty. Good luck. John
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Old 07-08-2017, 03:54 PM
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Welcome!

It's likely that the alcohol is making your panic attacks worse. It did for me, and when I stopped drinking, my anxiety and panic attacks became more manageable. Have faith that you will be able to find healthy ways to deal with social anxiety. Many of us here have the same problem and there are ways to make life easier without using medication.

I hope you talk to your dr honestly and perhaps she could give you advice on tapering the pills.
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Old 07-08-2017, 03:55 PM
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Benzos and alcohol have similar effects on your central nervous system. Both are also considered anxiolytics (anti-anxiety). If you take them simultaneously, it is very dangerous. You should go to the doctor or emergency department, tell them your predicament, and make sure you don't start having seizures when you stop.

Best wishes to you.
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Old 07-08-2017, 03:56 PM
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And honestly, your doctor is probably concerned about you being physically dependent on benzos. They are a bad choice for long term anxiety treatment. There are antidepressants that are far more effective.
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Old 07-08-2017, 11:54 PM
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Originally Posted by hns0685 View Post
Hey Missy, welcome! Today is day 5 for me and I actually have been through something very similar. I have social anxiety/agoraphobia/severe panic disorder. I was prescribed klonopin and xanax after my husband passed away in 2009. Pretty soon they weren't "enough" so I started to drink a LOT on top of those, especially when I had to leave the house. In 2011 I checked myself into an inpatient treatment center because after doing some research I realized that detoxing from both alcohol and benzos would be extremely dangerous. Have you looked into that at all? Do you have health insurance? These days they make it pretty manageable to get in and set up a payment plan. If anything, I found it to be a really nice 28 day reprieve and allow me to just reset. I maintained 3 years of sobriety after that experience. I relapsed in 2014 and my sobriety has been off and on since then.

But this is the biggest thing I wanted to tell you- the thing I have noticed with drinking and having severe anxiety is that as you know, alcohol is a depressant. So as soon as alcohol starts leaving your body, you get a rebound anxiety that is much worse than if you hadn't put it into your body to begin with, does that make sense? Same with benzos- especially if you're taking a short acting one like xanax. When they start to wear off, you get a rebound anxiety that is worse than if you hadn't originally taken it. I think benzos have their time and place for traumatic events, but they're not meant to be used long term. I really really hope and pray that you can get out of this cycle. Once I was able to break it, it's AMAZING how much better my panic is! I still struggle with it but it's not the shaking, intense fear that I'm going to die like I had when I was using substances to try to "control" that feeling. Even after 5 days sober I feel so much more at peace. Please message me if you have any questions. We're all here for your and rooting you on!
Thank you for your reply and very sorry to hear for your loss. I didn't expect to get all these replys so don't know where to begin . I know exactly what you mean with the rebound anxiety and horrendous panic attacks after taking the pills or after drinking ,just had two days of it where I went out had to go dentist so sadly had to hav a drink to get in the car to travel 17 miles plus took 6 ml of diazepam and then the rest of the day led to drinking and not really eating ,well that night early hours I wake up shaking sweating racing thoughts of I'm going to die I can't breathe or walk etc etc ,so reach for pills and spend the whole day constantly aware of all symptoms going on which makes me more panicky so take more pills and we'll was like that until night time . I just wish I didn't have this reaction to alcohol, long for a normal hangover, u no where your sick ,headache just feeling rough not all these horrendous panic attacks where I'm sobbing and frightened for hours on end . Sorry for rambling on,am not used to these sites so not sure where and when to stop ! I live in Cornwall uk and have no health insurance, we do have a nhs that does provide rehab n that but to be honest it's pretty rubbish - my father died of alcoholism and I was his carer before and I remember quite clearly that he had to be sober before they would even consider him for detox ??it was to show willing I spose ...I know and understand what everyone is saying about diazepam not being for long term use but I have tried every drug going ,and can never handle the side effects so my doctor eventually agreed that if diazepam enables me to go out and control horrible feelings of a panic attack then I would stay on them ,he has now left unfortunately and I believe that they have done new trials to suggest it can cause alztimers (sorry for spelling ) which is why they are cutting me back . Thing is I would never have been able to have worked the last ten years if I didn't have them ,currently not working as had breakdown last year which I think has led me to drink more and more ,on my own mostly very sad I no ! I could go on and on but il leave it there . X
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Old 07-09-2017, 12:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Missyk View Post
Thank you for your reply and very sorry to hear for your loss. I didn't expect to get all these replys so don't know where to begin . I know exactly what you mean with the rebound anxiety and horrendous panic attacks after taking the pills or after drinking ,just had two days of it where I went out had to go dentist so sadly had to hav a drink to get in the car to travel 17 miles plus took 6 ml of diazepam and then the rest of the day led to drinking and not really eating ,well that night early hours I wake up shaking sweating racing thoughts of I'm going to die I can't breathe or walk etc etc ,so reach for pills and spend the whole day constantly aware of all symptoms going on which makes me more panicky so take more pills and we'll was like that until night time . I just wish I didn't have this reaction to alcohol, long for a normal hangover, u no where your sick ,headache just feeling rough not all these horrendous panic attacks where I'm sobbing and frightened for hours on end . Sorry for rambling on,am not used to these sites so not sure where and when to stop ! I live in Cornwall uk and have no health insurance, we do have a nhs that does provide rehab n that but to be honest it's pretty rubbish - my father died of alcoholism and I was his carer before and I remember quite clearly that he had to be sober before they would even consider him for detox ??it was to show willing I spose ...I know and understand what everyone is saying about diazepam not being for long term use but I have tried every drug going ,and can never handle the side effects so my doctor eventually agreed that if diazepam enables me to go out and control horrible feelings of a panic attack then I would stay on them ,he has now left unfortunately and I believe that they have done new trials to suggest it can cause alztimers (sorry for spelling ) which is why they are cutting me back . Thing is I would never have been able to have worked the last ten years if I didn't have them ,currently not working as had breakdown last year which I think has led me to drink more and more ,on my own mostly very sad I no ! I could go on and on but il leave it there . X
Sorry ,this will sound Rediculous to many people but I have to cats aged 13 my family and I have no one that can take care of them if I was to consider rehab and don't think I could cope with leaving them either ,one suffers with arthritis and the other only really likes me ... Probably sounds like I am making excuses but I'm really not they are all I've got left and it would break me even more to leave them not to mention they go on hunger strike if I am away for a day lol .X
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Old 07-09-2017, 12:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Mizzuno View Post
Benzo addiction is quite the ordeal. The withdrawal is quite horrendous.

I would think that your doctor is cutting you back due to the fact that you have been on these benzos for longer than anyone should be. They are used for short term situations. At least this was the info given when my doctor prescribed them. He also spoke of the addictive nature of the benzos and how getting off of them would be a tapering method as my body would experience severe side effects.

I know you are scared to stop using the benzos and that is understandable. Are you willing to talk with your doctor about a different med that does not have the addictive qualities for your phobias?

As you know, mixing alcohol and benzos can lead to death or severe complications that may not be reversible.

You can get sober. It will take time. Talk with your doctor about tapering off the benzos and stay close to SR.

If you are serious about quitting drinking there are many methods that you can employ to help. AA, SMART, AVRT, SR, and many other ways that may suitable for your life.

Have you thought about a rehabilitation facility to help you get off the benzos and alcohol? Perhaps a stable, controlled environment with professionals may be beneficial?
Thanks for your reply yeah I know they are not supposed to be taken long term,but with my doc over the years I think I have tried every pill on the market and the only one that has been able to let me lead a half normal life and let me work was diazepam so my doc agreed that as I wasn't abusing them that I could stay on them ,it's only the last few years where my life has taken a downward spiral that my drinking has got out of control and I'm terrified that because nothing else works for the symptoms so I really don't no what to do . Now that doc has left and my new one has decided that she don't like them ,but when nothing else works what am I sposed to do . X
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Old 07-09-2017, 12:19 AM
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Originally Posted by 2muchpain View Post
Benzo addiction with alcohol is a tough one man. Back in the day, doctor's thought nothing of refilling perscriptions. I had an endless supply of valium. I ended up in a treatment center that eventually cut me off. Talk about angry. Couldn't understand why cause it really helped with my "anxiety". Years later, I found a doctor that was more than happy to perscribe loranzapan (sp). I jumped at the chance cause I'm an addict.
Long story short, I found other ways to deal with my anxiety but it hasn't been
easy. The combination of opiates and alcohol is a death sentence. I strongly suggest you enter a rehab facility so you are medically supervised to deal with it. It's not a fun thing to do, but it might just save your life. You won't regret it. John
Thanks for your reply I am angry and really scared ,my doc who has now left pretty much agreed that I can stay on them as have tried every pill going and have never been able to cope with the side effects and panic attacks that they cause me ,think I'm super sensitive... I am not in a position to be able to go into rehab ,but I do no I need to get this under control somehow. How did you manage it ? Many thanks X
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Old 07-09-2017, 12:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Welcome!

It's likely that the alcohol is making your panic attacks worse. It did for me, and when I stopped drinking, my anxiety and panic attacks became more manageable. Have faith that you will be able to find healthy ways to deal with social anxiety. Many of us here have the same problem and there are ways to make life easier without using medication.

I hope you talk to your dr honestly and perhaps she could give you advice on tapering the pills.
I know it definitely does make my panic attacks worse ,I'm scared to tell my doctor as think she will stop my pills altogether and I really do need them . Can I ask how you managed to stop and get it under control? See its the only pill that has ever been able to help me to live a half normal life having tried pretty much every one else .. Thanks for your reply
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Old 07-09-2017, 12:30 AM
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Originally Posted by ThatWasTheOldMe View Post
And honestly, your doctor is probably concerned about you being physically dependent on benzos. They are a bad choice for long term anxiety treatment. There are antidepressants that are far more effective.
Thanks for your reply I have tried pretty much every antidepressant over the years and I can never handle the side effects so my doctor eventually agreed that if diazepam enables me to lead a half normal life then I can stay on them ,not ideal I no but what other choices do I have its only since that doc has gone that my new one has decided to cut me back and after 19 years I really don't know what I am going to do ,probably be stuck in my house for ever . X
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Old 07-09-2017, 01:29 PM
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I don't know what it's like in the UK, but here in the States there are various out-patient programs available, many at reduced cost for those in situations like yours. Are they available where you live? John
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Old 07-09-2017, 10:16 PM
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Hi John, we have private clinics but they are thousands of pounds a week ...We have aa,na,and addaction clinics that are free ,I guess I really need to admit that I'm not in control of this anymore and get help it's just hard when I don't leave the house. Part of me has given up as I think I have too many problems and don't no where to begin I feel like my doctor has also as I've had councilling and cbt and nothing ever seems to work ,still have the horrible panic attacks and low self worth .. i just don't feel strong enough to fight this anymore X
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Old 07-11-2017, 07:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Missyk View Post
Hi John, we have private clinics but they are thousands of pounds a week ...We have aa,na,and addaction clinics that are free ,I guess I really need to admit that I'm not in control of this anymore and get help it's just hard when I don't leave the house. Part of me has given up as I think I have too many problems and don't no where to begin I feel like my doctor has also as I've had councilling and cbt and nothing ever seems to work ,still have the horrible panic attacks and low self worth .. i just don't feel strong enough to fight this anymore X
Hey Missy, In my experience, things have changed a lot over the past few years in regards to rehab/treatment. When I admitted myself, they actually told me to NOT stop drinking or try to cut down before I got there and do NOT try to cut back on my benzos on my own. It is just too dangerous and needs to be medically supervised. Of course under a doctor's supervision there are ways of safely tapering down, but as a general rule these are actually the only 2 drugs that people can die from detoxing. I think going to an AA meeting would be a great place to start- just try to share your story and I'm sure that women will come up to you and be able to give you better advice on what's available in your area. My experience with AA is that people were always so willing to help.

Also, just a side note- I know at this time it may seem impossible to get to an AA meeting sober, but just know that isn't a requirement to go to the meeting. The only requirement to attend is a "desire" to stop drinking. I've gone into AA meetings many times trying to get sober while I was still half drunk and taking my benzos. Not that I'm recommending that, I just don't want you to think that you have to be 100% sober to walk through the door and tell someone what you're going through. You've been on my mind a lot, just know that you can make it through this and reach the other side of being sober and less panic/anxiety! I believe in you!
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Old 07-11-2017, 07:52 AM
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I am noticing a lot of self defeating dialogue happening with you. I think that it is important to know internally that you can do this. You can get to a better place and you can overcome these addictions.

If you continually tell yourself negative statements then those negative statements are going to be what transpires. Lets remove the "cant" and replace it with "can". Replace "nothing seems to work" with "something will work". Have faith and hope for a different answer ( as I write this I am listening to my own words and absorbing them)

You can do this. Baby steps to a brighter future.
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Old 07-11-2017, 09:26 AM
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Dear Missy,

I feel for you so much. You don't see a way out and every solution seems impossible. I wish I could deliver a moment of clarity for you where you could see the clear path. When your current situation is so unacceptable that you will make it work. For example, you say your cats are keeping you from going into rehab. I'm sure there are several animal rescue organizations that would have someone to foster for you.

My point is, once you decide to end this nightmare you are living in, you will find solutions to all the reasons you have for staying addicted.

I hope you will take this in the loving manner that I mean it. Keep posting here, even if you are not ready to quit. This group will inspire you to make healthy changes.
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Old 07-11-2017, 09:42 AM
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Thanks again for replying, I'm sat here in tears not for sympathy but for pure hatred in myself ,wondering how is it possible that things spiraled so bad so fast ,2 years ago I was working in a bar for four and a half years but was getting more and more depressed and drinking more for confidence and to try and fit in ,then obviously the panic attacks were getting worse and worse so was upping my pills more and more till eventually I just couldn't pretend that I was ok and happy and strong like everyone else, I would cry and shake all the time before work and then sometimes had a drink before I'd go in and then I just broke one day,totally, and sat and wrote my notice . Since that day I have hit rock bottom ,lost every so called friend as I hide away in my house hating myself more and more,I didn't realise it was possible to hate oneself so much and to feel such a complete waste of space /failure ! And ti be told your parents would be turning in there grave if they could see me now ,from my boss well that hurt so bad ,but yeah they would I knew that already and have done most of my life ,father always said I was useless piece of .... !! .... I did try to work and lasted around 3 months until again I was called a mental case in front of all that no me ,that was the worst as I'd managed to hide my panic attacks from most while I worked as did not need the pity and judgement and non understanding ,so there was the major fall ,this person supposedly a therapist ripped the plaster off for all to see ,and in a small village well as you no its hard enough trying to keep yourself to yourself but she publicly ruined me ,as if I wasn't struggling enough which she new about as I had confided in her,biggest mistake ever !!!! I'm going on again sorry,I'd talk to my cats but they never reply lol... I'm taking all of your advice and I am on a taper with my doc ,but need to tell her about the drinking side as I am worried about seizures, and I will make an appointment with an addiction centre ,and will try to stop saying can't if I can .... I still don't really understand how this works ,I don't want to bore everyone to death as I no everyone has there own stuff to deal with, so il shut up now (relief) !!thanku again for your helpful advice , it means a huge amount Xx kath
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