Newwife,
I am sorry you are making these realizations about your new husband.
When we were 20years old we married, I knew he drank... I did too... I had no idea what kind of hell my life would spiral into due to his alcoholism and my subsequent codependence.
At 22 we had our first baby and then at 26 when I was pregnant with our second child, was when I realized he was an alcoholic... it took more than another decade before I showed up here at SoberRecovery...when I showed up here, I was looking for answers about what *I* could do to help HIM... it took me more years yet to realize I could NOT help him. No matter how much I loved him, no matter how much good there had been in our lives, no matter how much we "looked" like the perfect family... we were beyond broken...both as a couple and as individuals.... I had driven myself crazy trying to fix him. I am not kidding, my mental and emotional health were destroyed. I didn't trust him and I didn't even trust myself any more. I was an anxiety ridden mess.
I am here to tell you it is impossible to fix an addict. Only they can make that choice and only they can do the work to make their sobriety possible.
YOU can learn about erecting and enforcing personal boundaries.
YOU can educate yourself about alcoholism/addiction
YOU can learn about codependence....I resisted this and it was what I needed the most. After all, "it wasnt ME who had a problem it was him!"....WRONG!!! I very much had a problem and I was the only one who could fix that. I did that with the support of people here at SoberRecovery ( Mostly other posters because I read way more than I ever posted) and books like , Codependent No More- by Melody Beattie.
Good luck Newwife, you are among people who understand what you are going through. I hope you stick around and learn some important things about making YOUR life happier and easier.
Hugs