Your responses have been immensely helpful for perspective.
I posed the question initially to find out of the approach I have been on the past few months was not going to lead me to finding some peace within myself.
I have healthy physical habits and routines that have staved off cravings and helped me stay focused, but mentally and emotionally have been struggling quite a bit...maybe it's related to being 39 and at a crossroads or pivot point and not having all the answers.
I have a couple months of sobriety under my belt and just wanted to know if doing the internal work on 'why' would help me not only stay sober for the long term, but help me find answers.
I know that half the time I drank because I wanted to drink, but I also chose to drink and heavily during some rough periods and that's where I think the switch flipped. The tables turned when I relied on it to mask and numb the pain. Maybe I wasn't as resilient as I believed myself to be.
Thank you to all that responded with their perspectives - helpful for hopefully others as well as we all work on sobriety.