Jil,
Since you have already been to a dr, it is no problem to go back.
I was a mess, just like you, over and over. I was a heavy binge drinker for years and years.
Balance, paranoia, inability to complete sentences...all of what you said.
If you can stay totally clean, I believe healing g to a state of normalcy is possible.
If you are taking rx meds, you will always be under the influence of something.
I met a girl, at an AA meeting, that was clean 4 years. She was wobbly and sounded drunk when she spoke.
I am pretty sure she was on some rx meds. I believe it is possible to damage our brains so hard that we end up slurring our words forever.
That is motivation to never pick up.
Thanks.