Clancy, you just got me thinking. The house I rent now is unbelievable. Converted cornmill, beautiful village, quiet road, stream and woods in garden, beams, wooden floors, wonderful neighbours (now friends), a gardener - I truly can't think of anything I would add. And one of the main reasons I am here is because of my cat. It was non-negotiable that I kept my cat, so therefore I discounted other places that I probably would have taken because they were on a main road or whatever. This was the 3rd place I looked at and I knew as soon as I drove up that it was where I would live. Anyway, I'm not sure what my point is, but I think it's along the lines of having a list and it all working out in the end.
E - your relationship, D's health and your sanity are surely what's important here, not some bricks and mortar. I think you do understand that, but perhaps D is not able to just yet. It'll come.