Originally Posted by
Susiegirl 
Berrybean - I just feel as if I want my life cleansed and want to be able to look forward to the future. Unfortunately due to my lack of self control last night I completely ruined that for the rest of the month. In 3 weeks I have only drunk twice but I am obviously regretting those occasions now. I'm just in self-destruct mode
Money isn't the key to cleansing our lives. The key to that is acceptance and willingness. There will never be a comfortable time to take drinking off the agenda and starting recovery, and rock bottom makes a pretty firm place to start building up from. The thing with hope is that we need to look from it in the right places, and from an addictive perspective (ie one that sees alcohol as a solution or a treat or something that would be a sacrifice to stop doing, despite its obvious destructive nature for us) we often would not recognise hope if it bashed us on the nose. That's why being with other people who have walked the path ahead of us is so useful. Have you been in touch with your friend who has some sobriety? Could you invite her for coffee or go for a walk and chat with her? You probably feel like isolating and metaphorically licking your wounds today, but that's not likely to be a good idea. It would be more useful to stick with the winners and listen to their experience, and draw on their strength and hope to get you through this dark time. Is there a meeting you can get to today ? If not, perhaps listen to some of the recovery speakers. There are plenty of recording on this website that are useful for beginners...
https://www.recoveryaudio.org/
BB