I'm so sorry you're on this crazy train. And even more sorry your kids are. Seems to me she's made it abundantly clear she does not want anyone trying to "help" her. I'd suggest seeing a lawyer ASAP to protect your finances (you could be on the hook for her medical bills or get sued if she drives a car in your name and kills someone). Are you going to Al-Anon? That's truly been a lifeline for me. And are your girls getting any counseling/therapy? They might really benefit a lot from Alateen.