Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife

Thank you so much Phoenix- I know you are all real. I just feel like a cry baby when I come here and complain about my life. I do need to find a therapist - our new insurance just kicked in this month so it's a good time to start looking. I relieve some stress 5 days a week at the gym, early morning. It's good for me and I'm getting stronger but I still hate my body and I just want that battle to end.

I have been putting myself down since the day I was born. Never good enough. Never skinny enough. Never smart enough. No wonder I drank and drugged for 25 years. I am sure this perfectionist mentality has a lot to do with that and I'm only coming to understand it now, in my sobriety. When I couldn't live up to my expectations, I drank. It's so much easier to say "F" it than to try harder. That's what happened this morning. Despite a great workout I came home and saw myself naked in the mirror and just about died. So I said "to hell with losing weight" and stuffed my face instead. Self sabotage, you know? But you are right - I am NOT drinking.

Anyway, I just got my toddler to nap so now it's time to do some healthy "me " things. I have some books by my side and I found an empty journal. I think I should start writing again to get all these feelings and thoughts out of my head.

Thanks again, it means a lot.