Relapse
I decided about 2 weeks ago that I was going to have a drink and a smoke. I just didn't know when. I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle it. I wanted to fit in. I was tired of saying no to every drink offered my way for the last nine months. In hindsight I should have posted my craving on here so I could be talked out of it. So came Saturday night, I was out with some friends and was offered a vodka drink and some weed. After just one puff, I'm pretty sure what came next was a complete psychotic breakdown. My palms became sweaty, my heart started racing and I was having the "the world's worst panic attack". I've had panic attacks before but never like this. I thought I was dying of a heart attack. I also started to hear voices that weren't real and completely lost my ability to navigate while my wife drove us home on familiar streets. I was scared ********. I somehow got to bed that night. Two days later the mania has left, but the guilt and regret with a very unhealthy dose of brain fog remains. Has anyone out there relapsed? Does one night kill the 281 days I was sober?