Bless ya.
I remember feeling that way myself. I needed to find the willingness to actually take action with my recovery and do some things that I really didn't want to. Eventually the gift of desperation took me to a place where I found that willingness and I got a sponsor and did the 12-step work that I'd been refusing to engage in for the first 6 month of sobriety.
I hope you find what works for you soon. What does your recovery plan look like at the moment?
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB