Originally Posted by Lostjunkie

I'm thankful for all who read part of my story and showed me there are people who care.i really don't want to die I'm have been though so much I could write a book. I'm so mixed up with everything I know I need one on one help to help me through my past childhood and all I've been though.i was in the hospital because of my 10th overdose when they contacted my brother witch came to see me to tell me our mom passed away a month before and because he was the youngest he wasn't put though the thing's she did to me.i haven't seen or heard from him since because I said I didn't care she died and I was glad.but I have so much hate built up in me because of her.i have tried getting clean when my kid's were born but dealing with all the past pain hurt's and evil I've been through it's tearing me apart because I don't know how to deal with it all and it puts me into deep depression.if I had a wish it would be to be able to be free from the past and the drug's and just to know what happyness would feel like.its something I've never had.but so far I'm trying to stick to my plan and as of today I have not used anything.im sick as can be I'm very emotional and not sure what to do next. I'm scared as hell because I don't know how bad the sicknesses will get but I know something has to change for me.