Lostjunkie

I'm really trying to find a reason to go on living.i am 44 year's old I have seen and lived though all the evil thing's this world can offer someone.i was raised by my I guess she's my mother.she had me smoking pot and drinking when I was six and at seven I tried taking her car and running away but instead I hit a tree and she beat me so bad I remember being in bed for over a week.and I tell her I was hurt she had pulled my shoulder out so she shot me with herion.i loved it as soon as it hit me it took me out of pain and in a world were she couldn't bother me.i have been a addict ever since.ive seen rapes murders I've lost many close friends to drug's three have died in my arms I can't say I have ever been happy not that I can recall.ive lost everything I ever worked for my wife my kid's.i have overdosed 14 times sometimes it was deliberate.i hate my life myself I can't excape my life or my addictions.i really and truly wish God would just let me come home or Satan were ever I go it has to be better than here.or at the very least I'll finally have peace and be free from my hell.have no money no insurance and no one who cares to help me.all I have is myself.it gets lonely don't even have anyone who can relate to my life to even talk to.so that's some of my life.if I happen to die I guess it may help someone find peace and happiness.

Dee74

Hi and welcome

This is a place of great support - I cane here expecting I'd never find a way out of my addictions wither but the advice and support here helped me to stay sober day after day and to re-find the joy and happiness in my life I'd been missing.

I hope you'll check out the Newcomers forum - you'll find more response there

If you're feeling really low maybe giving a crisis line a call could help?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

D

bimbott

Welcome LJ. Please keep coming back. I hope this site will help you as much as it has helped me (and many others). I would not be sober now if it was not for the people on this site.

Mizzuno

First of all, I am sorry to read of your experience as a child. I am surprised that this even happened and your mother should be in prison. Child abuse has a lasting affect throughout someones life.

You can get sober. You can turn this around with help. Do you have a counselor? AA/ NA groups? Salvation Army?

This forum is here to help and offer advice. Give encouragement. It sounds like you need face to face support and help to get yourself on a different path.

Anna

Welcome and I'm sorry for all the things you've suffered through.

There is hope, there is always hope that you will be able to find peace in your life. Please do seek help if you are feeling suicidal and have faith that you will be able to stop using drugs/alcohol and be able to life a happy life.

soberandhonest

And us.

All of us.

A really great community of folks from around the world who will not judge you, will offer support without conditions, and can relate at least partially to your experiences.

Joining here is a great first step to getting your life back. Welcome.

tealily

We are here for you, Lost. Life is worth it, YOU are worth it. There is good in the world, and there can be a brighter day.

I'm so very sorry for the childhood and troubles you have had. My heart breaks for you. But there is always hope.

We are here to support you. Who can you talk to for immediate help near you? There must be a resource center or number you can call for a help referral. I'm sure there is an option for services even if you don't have insurance.

We care and want to hear more from you. Please stay in touch.

Lostjunkie

I'm thankful for all who read part of my story and showed me there are people who care.i really don't want to die I'm have been though so much I could write a book. I'm so mixed up with everything I know I need one on one help to help me through my past childhood and all I've been though.i was in the hospital because of my 10th overdose when they contacted my brother witch came to see me to tell me our mom passed away a month before and because he was the youngest he wasn't put though the thing's she did to me.i haven't seen or heard from him since because I said I didn't care she died and I was glad.but I have so much hate built up in me because of her.i have tried getting clean when my kid's were born but dealing with all the past pain hurt's and evil I've been through it's tearing me apart because I don't know how to deal with it all and it puts me into deep depression.if I had a wish it would be to be able to be free from the past and the drug's and just to know what happyness would feel like.its something I've never had.but so far I'm trying to stick to my plan and as of today I have not used anything.im sick as can be I'm very emotional and not sure what to do next. I'm scared as hell because I don't know how bad the sicknesses will get but I know something has to change for me.

Dee74

We're all behind you LJ - you can do this

D

tomsteve

LJ, you have truly been through a lot- a lot you didnt deserve.
there IS hope! you really dont want to die and that is great to read!

have you looked into rehab? it seems it would be a great place to start.
maybe NA meetings,too?

Hevyn

It's good to meet you, Lost. I'm sorry for all the pain you've endured. As the others said, this community is behind you & stands with you. We're here to listen and help when we can. You are no longer alone.

Verdantia

Hello, L. I am very sad for the horrifying childhood you had to endure and for your life which has held such sorrow and loss. This is a great place for help, advice and support. I wish there were more help for people with addictions-it often seems like a very cruel world-but there is hope in a life of sobriety. Perhaps there are community resources or the Salvation Army; my friend was not religious but their program helped him a lot. I care about you and so do many others here; you are not alone. Wishing you all the good things.

2ndhandrose

LJ, I am so sorry for all you have endured. ♥

I hope you stay around, this is the most supportive, caring bunch of folk you could have found.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Lostjunkie!!

CreativeThinker

Glad you found us LJ. You have certainly been through a lot in your life. Do NOT give up! Keep posting here on SR...we will help you find your way.

Welcome to the family!

Lostjunkie

This is the hardest thing I have ever done I feel so bad it's taking every thing I got not to go use.my mind is messing with me.but as of now I'm winning.on my 3rd day clean thank all of you for the support.

CreativeThinker

Great job on Day 3 LJ. You're doing this! Keep going! What is your recovery plan?

2ndhandrose

Good for you, LJ

gregknight

Congratulations and thank God, you are still with us and toughing it out!

I can tell you from experience, anyone who has gone through what you have gone through and is still here, has got steel in them! Don't ever forget that. And people do care about you! It may take awhile but you will see beauty and the goodness of people and the joy of living a life with them, soon. There is help and support out there if you look and act on it. We here, are with you in this struggle.

Hevyn

Yes, the early days are killer LJ. Once you're through them you never have to return to that miserable place. Proud of you on Day 3.