Thank you for your replies and all the best to those of you who decided to get and stay sober. i hoped and hoped he'd get to the point of deciding that enough is enough-- like after he'd lost three jobs in two years, health problems which he refuses to address (high blood pressure, gastritis, dental problems), multiple car accidents, near loss of career, being found on the street passed out in our neighborhood by a stranger, and more. I am the one who gets the brunt of the deceit, lies, and anger. He is aware that I intend to move forward with divorce this summer if he doesn't go back to treatment and into a real recovery program. He insists that I am trying to control him. The last several weeks I have stopped saying anything about treatment and have started to detach. He does not like it and even accused me of acting like a cold fish and like someone who doesn't want his affection -- he always says he wants me to let him come to me -- but doesn't respond when I show him any affection.
That's why I have a hard time understanding this behavior. But you are all correct- it doesn't make sense and there's no point in me worrying about his motives. I guess I just sometimes wonder-- if his decision now is to keep going down this path, why pretend that he isn't drinking and that he's probably drinking all day (even during work)?