LSW
I am so sorry for you having to go through such a frightening time. I do know how it feels to feel unsafe and wanting to drink away the fear and pain of it all. I did try to drink it away for a very long time. It didn't work.
When I tried to drink it away I lost the ability to make a plan to deal with the situation and the drink actually made the feelings even bigger ... requiring more drink ... making the fear stronger .. more drink...
When I decided to do something about the situation that was of such grave concern for me, I first stopped drinking. One of the first things I figured out was that if I drank ... I lost, no one else. In fact I staid sober on that for quite some time as I figured out a temporary solution which led eventually to a semi-permenant solution.
Please try to see the lie in the thought that a drink will in any way help the situation. Talk to your husband and begin a plan that works for you. The two of you will know what that plan needs to be to make your world reasonably safe feeling again.
You are stronger than the part of you wanting to drink thinks. Please post here for comfort and support as you walk through this difficult time, and please don't drink.
Nands