We call them arm bands over here. Just looked on world news and read about the rain and the floods. Must be terrifying. Hope everyone is and will be ok.
I love reading these posts. It's like spiritual soup for the soul. Apologies if I don't reply to everything. It doesn't mean your words haven't joined Buddha inside my head. I imagine your words having a cup of tea with Buddha inside my head (stole that idea with you Ananda!!).
First of all, Steely how did it go with your sister? Been thinking of you xxx
Ananda, loved what you wrote about inviting AV thoughts in for a cup of tea. Loved it so much I extended it to good thoughts. They're all in there having a cup of tea with Buddha. My head is an awesome place to be these days!!
Poppy, I hear you loud and clear. I was at a family function yesterday and every single adult was drinking. And no one was falling over drunk. How do they do it???? At one point I saw my sister pour herself a glass of wine in the sunshine and it looked so lovely and sophisticated and I looked at my diet coke and thought, "why can't I have the wine??" But of course I know why. I know that if I'd had one glass of wine yesterday, I would have ended up falling over drunk and then I wouldn't be up early this morning googling world news to read about flooding in Australia. Instead I'd be consumed with self hatred, fear, shame and probably suicidal thinking that I wouldn't want to invite in for a cup of tea. And Buddha would definitely have left the building. I'm always only one drink away from hell on earth. It's that simple. Well done for recognising your AV, ignoring it and getting out of there. You're doing awesome Poppy xxx
So, I survived my first social function with my birth family since I got sober! More than survived it, I rocked it!! Been thinking about it ever since and it made me realise that being an active alcoholic is sort of like turning up for a battle with no armour. Worse than that, it's like giving all your ammunition to your opponent then feeling surprised when you end up battered in a heap on the floor.
Being sober was my defence yesterday. And being sober meant I didn't give anyone any ammunition to throw at me. Obviously my mum tried. When she saw I wasn't saying or doing anything stupid and/or offensive, she started throwing some of her own ammunition at me and I guess that's to be expected. But I took it with dignity and in the end I could tell people were thinking that she needed to leave me alone and move on. My brother even had a word with her and told her if she wanted to keep attacking me, she'd be doing it on her own. I LOVE my brother.
And I realised that being sober meant I listened, really listened to what others had to say. More than that, I was interested in what others had to say. And guess what? Normal drinkers have issues too. They get into spats with friends and neighbours and feel insecure and get angry and frustrated too. I listened and I gave advice where I thought I could help and people seemed interested in what I had to say. And these are the people who know me. Who really know me. Who knew what I was like when I was drinking and who I thought had turned their backs on me. And here I was giving them advice and having conversations like proper equals.
At one point, and this really made me and my inner Buddha laugh, I even started giving drinking advice to my teenage nieces and nephews!! I opened up and was honest about my drinking and told them some people can't handle alcohol and should never drink it. My 15 year old niece asked me how a person knows whether you can handle it or not. And I said, never knowing when to stop drinking is a big red flag as is drinking in secret, blacking out and thinking about alcohol a lot. My 16 year old nephew then said that I should go into their school and talk about alcoholism because no one has ever explained it that clearly before!!
Can you imagine?? Nobenders in schools. Spreading the word to the younger generations. I guess it makes sense that if you want to understand addiction, ask an addict.
I love being sober. I really, really love it. And when I went to bed last night, I thought about dad. It was weird being with all my family and him not being there. I miss him so much but there were no tears last night. Because when I thought of him, I imagined him looking down at me and feeling proud. I'm going to beat this addiction for him, I'm doing it in his memory. And I'm doing it for me. Because I've finally worked out that I'm worth it. Thank you so much everyone, I love you all xxxx