I've thought about this a lot for myself too...
My upbringing was more or less "normal". My father drank every night, and could probably be called an A, but his drinking never caused any problems that I was aware of. He never yelled, was not abusive, did not go to bars, cheat, or get arrested. He just drank beer, and got a little silly and dramatic sometimes, but just in an annoying sort of way, not threatening or scary, like my XAH.
All my relatives on Dad's side of the family over drank at family occasions, but that's just what they did and it was normal to me, and I as an older teenager and through my 20's drank heavily as well, which made it easy for me to accept XAH's heavy drinking in the beginning..... Until it progressed into much more ....
My mom rarely drank / drinks. People refer to my mom as an "angel", the "sweetest person" they've ever met. I've never heard her yell or get visibly angry. She mutters things under her breath sometimes.
Her mother was an alcoholic, and I imagine her father was codependent, but my mother has never talked to me about any of this, or what it was like growing up for her with her mother an alcoholic... i only know from what my aunts have told me.
A big thing for me, I think, is that no one in my household growing up ever really talked about feelings or emotions, or anything really of substance.
Once when I was about 14 I told my dad about a girl in my school who had gotten pregnant. His response was, "well I know you won't do that... Your mother talks to you about that."
Ummmm..... no Dad, you are mistaken. My mother never even told me about getting my period or shaving my armpits, and she definitely never talked to me about sex.
I have a hard time as an adult showing or talking about my emotions, and how I feel because sometimes I still feel like I don't even know how I feel, or what my opinion is.....
My boys are 4 and 5 now, and I am trying very hard to change that for them. I try to talk to them in age-appropriate ways about feelings and emotions, and drinking, and everything. I want them to feel safe to talk to me about anything.
I do not want them to grow up believing as I did that everybody drinks a lot, and acts stupid, and they drink and drive, and it's all cool and normal.
I do not want them to carry on the dysfunction!
I rambled a bit here... but thanks for posting (((Smarie))). Interesting topic, I think.