Smarie78

Did you come from an alcoholic or dysfunctional household? Or did you have a pretty normal and even healthy upbringing but still ended up a bleeding heart codependent? While I don't know that it matters, certainly not in my case, to analyze and wonder where it came from since the solution is what truly matters in the end, I still am curious how people become this way.

When I was a very young girl, I was relentlessly bullied by men. Well, boys at the time. I grew up in a very healthy and happy home with no addiction and wonderful parents. Yet when it came to life outside of the home, I was a frightened kid. I was an ugly duckling and because I am of mixed race I was targeted by those more powerful than I who thought I looked strange. I remember sitting in the library at lunch and getting drawings of ugly creatures dropped off at my table by my bullies with my name on them. I remember boys pretending to like me and then laughing with their friends when I would turn around. I know everyone goes through a lot growing up, but being a sensitive child I really took this hard.

I ended up eventually growing into my looks, and became what some would call attractive. I acted out sexually as soon as I got the first look from a man and became very promiscuous throughout my adulthood. Almost to the point of addiction. While it no longer is a part of my life, I still can't help but wonder if the men I am involved with today, the abusive and dysfunctional relationships, are my way of trying to overcome the abuse from the schoolyard. Am I trying to prove to the now grown man- bullies, now am I lovable? Anyway, just a thought!

What's your story?