beme2017

hi, hope its ok if i ask for help?
I'm 54 years old , been addicted to alcohol since 16 i think? It made me feel confident and extrovert..(im a socially shy person)..it made me feel i fitted in at an early age...
Alcohol became acceptable in my social group and whilst growing up.. then i began training in a medical career , we all drank as students to relieve the stress ... i had also a part time job whilst training to supplement my student grant... guess where i was ...yes in a pub.... there i met and married my first husband after 3 months , following my mum who had done the same, years after my dad died.. i believed in her romantic story i think .. i think also i wanted to belong to someone and have a family .. alcohol was still a constant undertone throughout parties etc ... when my two gorgeous children were young my husband could'nt cope with the stress .. and had a fling with my sons godmother and my best friend..my son was 9 months old ..we ended up moving abroad to "save" the family as my "friend" was in my medical team family .. but it obviously wasn't going to be..i ended back here bringing back my children and starting again with nothing as a single mum.. desperately seeking the perfect family and coped with you guessed it wine..i drifted into another marriage with someone i trusted but found out later he was a liar and a cheater .. so im alone again , my children have grown up and im so proud if them ..but now lonely and sadly my only friend is alcohol..i dont want it to be but it is...its always there and i work then i can sleep after a while with it helping me and which takes me into the next day..i have had to move closer to work so also im isolated , i have only my children and my sister in the world ... i put my smile on and then evening comes ..