livinginhope

As if getting off the booze weren't bad enough.

I work in a machine shop. Just me and my supe, who has incredible anger/rage/paranoia issues. He's always angry, and has blown up at me for the tiniest infractions. My department head likes me a lot. I get along well with everyone else. But this guy?

It's always been bad. Sick to my stomach heading in, wondering what the mood will be. Perhaps I left something out and forgot to put it away? He has blown up and gone into rage over things like that. He brings it up months later, still angry.

Yes, I should go to HR, but it's hard to prove, and I'd have to go back to work with this madman.

Early this week he messed up a huge job, and has been on a rampage. He refused to acknowledge me and when I tried to pin him down to talk, he berated me and said that he has nothing further to say to me. He won't tell me why he is so incensed with me.

The rage. The insanity. This guy thinks everyone is out to get him.

Maybe I should have done something sooner, instead of apologizing when I didn't even do anything wrong.

I called in today and I guess I am quitting on Monday. I simply cannot do it any longer. I'll talk to HR, but I don't know what she can do.

I did not drink last night, but it was the biggest challenge I've faced yet. I won't drink tonight, but it's so hard.

I know it won't fix anything. But my God, the relief of some drinks...

No. I'm not doing it, but I'm scared to death. I have no savings. I have debt up to my ears. I laid awake all night last night.

I am not merely sitting here. I applied to places all day. I talked to one prospective employer, and they said that they would consider it.

I've tried so hard. And my work has been good. I think that is part of the guy's resentment. Plus people like me and no one can stand him.

Getting sober has been so hard. I'm two days over eight months in, and I've never wanted a drink more in my life.

You don't have to tell me not to. I won't. I know it's been the cause of so many problems.

Life has its ups and downs, and I am as down now as I have ever been. I can't stop crying at the helplessness of it all and the fear of how quickly the little money I have will run out.