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I'm Terrified

Old 06-02-2017, 12:57 PM
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I'm Terrified

As if getting off the booze weren't bad enough.

I work in a machine shop. Just me and my supe, who has incredible anger/rage/paranoia issues. He's always angry, and has blown up at me for the tiniest infractions. My department head likes me a lot. I get along well with everyone else. But this guy?

It's always been bad. Sick to my stomach heading in, wondering what the mood will be. Perhaps I left something out and forgot to put it away? He has blown up and gone into rage over things like that. He brings it up months later, still angry.

Yes, I should go to HR, but it's hard to prove, and I'd have to go back to work with this madman.

Early this week he messed up a huge job, and has been on a rampage. He refused to acknowledge me and when I tried to pin him down to talk, he berated me and said that he has nothing further to say to me. He won't tell me why he is so incensed with me.

The rage. The insanity. This guy thinks everyone is out to get him.

Maybe I should have done something sooner, instead of apologizing when I didn't even do anything wrong.

I called in today and I guess I am quitting on Monday. I simply cannot do it any longer. I'll talk to HR, but I don't know what she can do.

I did not drink last night, but it was the biggest challenge I've faced yet. I won't drink tonight, but it's so hard.

I know it won't fix anything. But my God, the relief of some drinks...

No. I'm not doing it, but I'm scared to death. I have no savings. I have debt up to my ears. I laid awake all night last night.

I am not merely sitting here. I applied to places all day. I talked to one prospective employer, and they said that they would consider it.

I've tried so hard. And my work has been good. I think that is part of the guy's resentment. Plus people like me and no one can stand him.

Getting sober has been so hard. I'm two days over eight months in, and I've never wanted a drink more in my life.

You don't have to tell me not to. I won't. I know it's been the cause of so many problems.

Life has its ups and downs, and I am as down now as I have ever been. I can't stop crying at the helplessness of it all and the fear of how quickly the little money I have will run out.

Last edited by livinginhope; 06-02-2017 at 12:59 PM. Reason: Typos
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:04 PM
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I'm so sorry livinginhope that you are feeling such despair right now 💜 but you are giving yourself the best possible chance of getting things on track by ensuring you will be clear headed and will have the energy to tackle the situation...plus you won't be wasting the money you do have on alcohol.

Wishing you well x
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:05 PM
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I'm really sorry you're going through this with your job.

Stay in contact with HR and maybe they will be able to do something. Could you write out a log of specific incidents that have happened? I know it's after the fact, but it might help to have something written to pass on to HR. Is there anyone who has witnessed the abuse you've endured who could speak up for you?

I hope that, one way or another you will some peace with your job.
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:08 PM
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The guy is crafty like a snake. It's just the two of us in the shop and he knows when he can get away with it. No witnesses. I'm going to lay it all out for HR, but I don't think much will be accomplished without an ugly battle.

I'll find something else. I know I will. It's just a matter of time.
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:10 PM
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Oh, thanks for the positive words.

Hey, no one said that life would be easy.
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:12 PM
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I panicked and took my beloved record collection to a store and sold it for a pittance. I should have waited a week or so. Now I'm sick about that.
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:14 PM
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So sorry you're going through this...I know what that's like. I worked for a vet for a while (who, as I look back on it, was clearly an alcoholic) who always needed someone to bully for stress relief. Guess who. She was the owner of the practice and the only vet, so no HR...

I'm sorry. I know how stressful that is to constantly be waiting for the next attack,

Sending you a hug.
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:19 PM
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I'm trying to get my head around the notion that this is a good thing. I've needed to get away from that toxic place and I've been too scared to make a move. The transition will be tough, no doubt, but something wonderful will come of this. I have to believe that.
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:21 PM
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I'm sorry your job is so stressful. You're smart not to drink over it.

I hope you can find a better job soon.
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:36 PM
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I suppose that part of being an alcoholic is to be afraid to make a move or to make waves. It was for me. It's easier, far easier, to climb in a bottle or a case of beer and hide from everything.
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Old 06-02-2017, 01:44 PM
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Dude I am so sorry about your situation and your record collection. I pawned off so much stuff in my addiction it makes me sick. However when I was getting sober (or at least was having a good stretch) I sold off my Gibson Les Paul to cover some billsI owed my wife for. I simply had nothing left to sell and I did not want to ask my mom, who has endured hell due to me, for the money. It was the one thing I said I would never part with. I still get down about it but I know if I stay sober and work steps money will come back to me and I can buy a better guitar. I will be at peace knowing I did it all sober. Stay strong man. I am so sorry you are dealing with this work BS. Life is hard enough as it is.
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Old 06-02-2017, 02:02 PM
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I know that feeling. There is hope, you will find a path...
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Old 06-02-2017, 03:14 PM
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If you are good at what you do you should have no trouble finding a better job. It is always easiest to find a new job when you are currently employed.
In my opinion, never go to H.R. They will always have the company's interests ahead of yours.
Work is not usually fun, but even the most difficult jobs can be tolerable if you are working with good people. And your situation sounds intolerable. Good luck!
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Old 06-02-2017, 03:40 PM
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Your Supe sounds like a real gem (NOT)! My guess is that you're not the only one who has had difficulty working with him and perhaps someone else has already gone to HR. I would start looking for a job while you are still employed. Then, in the meantime...start documenting all incidents that you have had with him. When you announce to HR that you are resigning, let them know about every incident that you have recorded about him. If he hasn't already been counseled about his attitude, at least it will be documented and put on his file.

Congrats on being sober over 8 months! That's a great accomplishment...don't let an idiot upset you to the point of wanting to drink. He's not worth the energy.

Make it a great weekend!
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Old 06-02-2017, 04:12 PM
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I know you're worried about money. But, you're health is priceless. And, this work situation, if allowed to go on, will start to tear down your mental and possibly physical health as it's all connected. Not to mention what this is doing to your spirit.
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Old 06-02-2017, 06:31 PM
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Originally Posted by livinginhope View Post
I'm trying to get my head around the notion that this is a good thing. I've needed to get away from that toxic place and I've been too scared to make a move. The transition will be tough, no doubt, but something wonderful will come of this. I have to believe that.
Can I just say wow
With all you have going on that is an impressive way to think
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Old 06-02-2017, 06:51 PM
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Please don't fall for the lie drink would be a relief. In my experience it only ramps up the anxiety and terror.

I would talk to HR before you do anything else. You don't know nothing there's nothing they can do unless you ask

D
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Old 06-03-2017, 03:13 AM
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Thanks, all, for the encouragement and support.

No booze last night. The temptation was enormous, but I persevered.

I heard that a local planetarium plays bad movies every Friday night, so I went there. Free admission and a few cents in gas. It was The Bat, from 1959, with Vincent Price. Not a great movie, and not even in a bad-good way you might hope for, but it got me through the evening. I came home, had a cup of chamomile, and hit the bed and slept like a rock.

I will go to HR on Monday. I'm still quitting, or at least I think I am. I am going to write a letter, explaining why I feel the need to leave. Maybe they will relocate me, though I am not qualified to do anything else but what I do. At the very least it will be ammunition for the next poor soul who gets stuck with this individual. I intend to send a copy of the letter to Corporate as well.

I tuned up my resume and applied for jobs all day yesterday. I figure Friday afternoon is when many people are winding down for the week, Perhaps my phone will ring on Monday.

And so I shall remain livinginhope.
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Old 06-03-2017, 03:20 AM
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WHen I find myself in a lousy situation I try and remember and even remind myself out loud; "It'll all be OK, it always is".

When work is challenging and someone at work is a personal challenge, I try to focus on what I can control; my own work, my own emotions, my own attitude.

Often in doing that, it has a positive effect on the others around me and helps. If it doesn't, then it helps me stay in a good headspace to deal with whatever may come.

Sometimes, asking myself "what is the WORST that can happen here, out of this situation?" - leads me to recognize that I'm getting myself all wound up over nothing really. The worst is generally unlikely to happen. And even if it does, thinking through and picturing the WORST can help feel OK.... recognizing that even if the WORST comes to pass - I'll be all right.

We can easily get ourselves in a twist over things that we really needn't.

I feel for you and your situation. It's never pleasant to have to confront stressful situations and challenging people at work.... but I wanted to offer you a reminder that you don't have to be a victim to it.

hang in there, stay sober, stay positive, take the next right step. Stay in the moment.

It'll be OK. It always is.

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Old 06-03-2017, 03:20 AM
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Day 243!
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