Youre posting here, showing up, and being a squeaky wheel. THATS ALL GOOD AND EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO BE DOING.
How about writing out a list of ONLY the things in your life that you are grateful for, Chaplain?
That could be a daily exercise that might actually turn everything around for you.
I never want to do it, but once I do, every single time I do it... It completely shifts my attitude. Its a truly miraculous process.
I am praying with you, right now, and FOR YOU <3
Just for today, don't drink. It might not be very easy, Chaplain.
But you must be patient. It will get better. <3