Stuffed up again on payday
I was happily sober and going well. Problem was I was so stressed on payday. Two large bills. Money I owed my friend. I keep paying him double to get a cigarette when I have none. Everytime I go grocery shopping the prices are up. So stressed I spent half the time in the car willing myself to go back in the shops. On the way home my car seemed to drive itself to the bottle shop. Bought a bottle of vodka. Swore I would just drink a little. Tomorrow I have to negotiate with debt collector re one of the bills. Tonight was secret drinking so my friend wouldn't notice. The bottle is nearly gone. My friend said his bill was $240. That's a third of my pay. Plus I took out another high interest loan. So stressed can't sleep. Bottle not really helping. Waste of money. Major anxiety. I seem to have forgotten how to meditate. When I was sober so tired. Now today more energetic. My friend sees that as a sign I am better and it's just alcohol in small doses taking away my anxiety and aches and pains. So confused. Alcohol not working at calming me down.