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Stuffed up again on payday

Old 05-30-2017, 05:52 AM
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Stuffed up again on payday

I was happily sober and going well. Problem was I was so stressed on payday. Two large bills. Money I owed my friend. I keep paying him double to get a cigarette when I have none. Everytime I go grocery shopping the prices are up. So stressed I spent half the time in the car willing myself to go back in the shops. On the way home my car seemed to drive itself to the bottle shop. Bought a bottle of vodka. Swore I would just drink a little. Tomorrow I have to negotiate with debt collector re one of the bills. Tonight was secret drinking so my friend wouldn't notice. The bottle is nearly gone. My friend said his bill was $240. That's a third of my pay. Plus I took out another high interest loan. So stressed can't sleep. Bottle not really helping. Waste of money. Major anxiety. I seem to have forgotten how to meditate. When I was sober so tired. Now today more energetic. My friend sees that as a sign I am better and it's just alcohol in small doses taking away my anxiety and aches and pains. So confused. Alcohol not working at calming me down.
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Old 05-30-2017, 05:57 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
Problem was I was so stressed on payday.
That was A problem, but it wasn't THE problem.

You didn't post here because you thought the vodka was the right answer. You know the right answer. Get after it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.
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Old 05-30-2017, 06:01 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
......... it's just alcohol in small doses taking away my anxiety and aches and pains. So confused. Alcohol not working at calming me down.
This is the route I was taking. It only works for a while. That is how I drank. In small doses to take the pain away. I am just hanging on for dear life right now on day 2. I know it would take the pain away but only to be back tomorrow. I really don't know what to say except I think sometimes it just helps to hear something.
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Old 05-30-2017, 06:05 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
. Alcohol not working at calming me down.
It quit working for me too. And the next stage after that was that it started making everything worse and I became physically dependant. I hope you can find some help before it gets that bad. Have you considered professional treatment/rehab or counseling?
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Old 05-30-2017, 06:19 AM
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I have considered rehab but the one nearby doesn't allow smoking. I have a psychiatrist who thinks me and my friend are codependent. Counseling didn't work. My gotoes for not drinking were going to the movies or down the beach. That didn't work as there never seemed to be a movie at the same time as a craving or not enough petrol to get to the beach. Maybe I am just not trying hard enough. It's like I couldn't control me going to the bottle shop. Scary.
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Old 05-30-2017, 06:21 AM
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Hi,

Seems to me like you are in a vicious circle. Your problems make your drinking worse, which in turn makes your problems worse.

Sobriety won't just happen, if you really want this you have to focus and make it your priority for a while.

Make the decision and go for it, it will definitely help you deal with everything else.

P
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Old 05-30-2017, 06:41 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
Maybe I am just not trying hard enough.
Or maybe you aren't trying the right things. To be quite honest, going to the beach and watching movies are fine activities, but they really have not much to do with recovery from alcoholism.

For example, if you are throwing out rehab as an option because they don't allow smoking, maybe you should consider quitting smoking too. It's certainly hard to do but there are lots of people who quit both at the same time.

Or perhaps you should work on some of the suggestions your counselor has given you. If you are codependant there are strategies to help with that. Maybe you need to start seeing a counselor that specializes in addition.

Maybe you could try going to AA or some other recovery group meetings.

Bottom line, recovery doesn't just "happen". You have to make it happen through your actions.
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Old 05-30-2017, 06:43 AM
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Sorry that happened Sweetichick.

Perhaps it's time to start trying the things people suggested that you don't actually want to do. Movies and trips to the beach are more like fun distractions than doing some work on your recovery. I know that when I do the work I need to do (esp if I don't want to do it) it pays dividends, but when I slack off I soon find myself in a place of pain and my alcoholic thinking starts creeping in. Often I find thag what I need in order to be well is more like medicine than a dessert, but I'm never sorry I took that medicine, and the dessert (beach or movies for example) are always there for later as a wellbeing treat.

Thinking of you and praying for your sobriety and recovery.
BB
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Old 05-30-2017, 08:15 AM
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Hello:

You say you are hurting for money.... then you buy a bottle of booze....

What's the logic on that?

Do you have a plan?
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Old 05-30-2017, 08:21 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
I have considered rehab but the one nearby doesn't allow smoking. I have a psychiatrist who thinks me and my friend are codependent. Counseling didn't work. My gotoes for not drinking were going to the movies or down the beach. That didn't work as there never seemed to be a movie at the same time as a craving or not enough petrol to get to the beach. Maybe I am just not trying hard enough. It's like I couldn't control me going to the bottle shop. Scary.
if someone came on here saying they had cancer, would you recommend a walk on the beach or a movie to treat it?
if someone was near death from alcohol and said,"I have considered rehab but the one nearby doesn't allow smoking."
would you tell them not to go becuase smoking is more important that not dieing from alcoholism?


sweetichik, this is what i read:
you want recovery to occur on the actions you want, not on the actions that are necessary. it reads quite like you want to get sober, but not willing to go to any lengths.
take back in january when you opened up and decided to change your opinion of AA. you decided to go back.
how far did you follow through with that?

look at the insanity- stressed out over bills and blew money on alcohol. now ya have less money for bills and are feelin pretty ******.
quite insane,isnt it? quite insane to keep doing the same thing over and over knowing the results with be the same,eh?
nothing changes if nothing changes.

i dont recall if you did it or not, but did you happen to get a copy of the big book of AA and read it to start learning what AA is about and the promises that can materialize by working the steps and then living the principles?
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Old 05-30-2017, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
I have considered rehab but the one nearby doesn't allow smoking. I have a psychiatrist who thinks me and my friend are codependent. Counseling didn't work. My gotoes for not drinking were going to the movies or down the beach. That didn't work as there never seemed to be a movie at the same time as a craving or not enough petrol to get to the beach. Maybe I am just not trying hard enough. It's like I couldn't control me going to the bottle shop. Scary.
You can control what you are doing. It is your choice. The car did not drive itself to the store and park. The car did not go into the store and buy the vodka. Reaching out for help could have been one of the options to take before driving to the store. The decisions that are made before and after make or break this situation. You may not want sobriety?
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Old 05-30-2017, 08:25 AM
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Hi SC,

I'm sorry for the pain you are dealing with. There is no easy way to get sober. You will feel uncomfortable at times. We cannot go around it, we must go through it before we begin to heal. It's all worth it!

Hang in there...take the advice that's here and start moving through the needed steps to begin a new life. You CAN do this...but you need to want it more than anything else in your life.
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Old 05-30-2017, 08:50 AM
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I'm sorry for your stress and I'm sure you see that the money used for the alcohol could have been better spent. I love that you have a plan to go to the beach or to a movie when you have a craving. But, you need to add to that plan. What if you have a craving at work or in the middle of the night? I think you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment, and I am sure that if you remove alcohol from your life, the rest will fall into place. Of course, you will still have debt, but you will have a clear head to plan a budget for yourself, and you will have a clear head to go grocery shopping for less expensive alternatives, if possible. Take the leap of faith!
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Old 05-30-2017, 08:59 AM
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Am sorry that you have been drinking but you need to stop take a deep breathe and get rid of the drink ...what is drink going to do to change what is going on right now ? your wasting money on drink when you need to pay bills have you tried deiter anonymous or a avocate to deal with your deit ? if you need help try and get it if you feel like drinking instead of drinking call someone or read the Big book a little , pray keep your self busy distractions
the bottom of a bottle will not help you but seeking help will help you
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:39 AM
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I think before you achieve any success in sobriety, you have to prepare yourself for the long and sometimes arduous journey ahead.
In anything in life, hard work is the only way to achieve something you want or need.
An olympic athlete (or any athlete) does not simply press snooze when it is time to train...
When I was drinking, I had litterally lost my will to achieve anything, more or less comatose. Like the character in the pink floyd video; Comfortably Numb.
I had to wake up and move to affect any change, and it doesnt happen over night.
You know what needs to be done, i think first and foremost you will be best served to mentally prepare, plan and then execute.
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Old 05-30-2017, 09:39 AM
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If you keep allowing events and people outside of yourself to "make you" drink, this will just keep happening. As it has.

Getting sober isn't something that comes from the outside. It's not a spray tan. It's a decision you make over and over on a gut level that drinking is never a solution and it only makes everything in your life worse.

Getting help...AA, rehab, therapy, detox, distraction...is always a good idea. Those are tools.

But in the end, it's up to you. And if you don't give recovery enough time to get through the worst of it, you will never know what being sober really is like.

I sincerely hope you will make the choice to stop this cycle.
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Old 05-30-2017, 11:10 AM
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As you know booze and smokes are expensive. And literally you smoke or pics that money away up in flames or in the pot. If you are having money problems that is a sure fire way of intensifying those problems. Its a simple concept to stop drinking and stop smoking. But we all know how hard that simple concept is to actually do and succeed. For the sober me its a no brainer. But the alcoholic me says to just drink anyways because money is already a problem. So it is going to come down to what "you" is going to take over. We all hope its the sober you. The sober you might even be able to pick up a part time job somewhere and save money and pay off bills rather than incurring them at a rapid pace.
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Old 05-30-2017, 11:26 AM
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Same happened to me, payday was on day 7 and I went to work, was focused all day then on the way home, it all went pearshaped.
Today will be day one after a weekend of drinking. I was tempted again tonight but I've go e into the kitchen and cleaned a load of dishes and plan to do lunch for tomorrow
It's difficult but I'll just have to get back to doing what I was before and trying not to let the AV get the better of me
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Old 05-30-2017, 11:38 AM
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i thought you had recently posted you were DONE with this so-called friend.

you sound very much like someone who really needs some professional help and guidance not only with alcohol but with successfully managing life on a day to day basis. to be honest, you seem to have lost the plot as they say. certainly NOT DRINKING is the first thing that has to happen, but your decision making skills and financial management are also in a state of duress. you also seem to be under the control of this "friend" person. not a good sign all around.
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:24 PM
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I'm very sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. It sounds pretty stressful. But I think you know that drinking, even if it's just a little from time to time is just a short-term solution to a long-term problem.
As far as rehab is concerned; most rehabs that I know of offer nicotine patches for people that smoke. I would think they would offer the same thing. John
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