,Ja3,
The part i relate most to is the drinking. My life is different.
Drinking starts out making everything better. Then it finishes making everything worse....and we are addicted to boot.
Stay clean and work towards your goals.
Let your mind normalize and then you can be reassured that your decisions are at least not booze infused.
I went off today because my wife was calling me stupid. I tried to tell her to stop in my nice voice, went to my stern voice, then through a cuss word, and finally screamed at her.
Some folks need that. I don't regret it, i did it fully sober and proud.
Go for it.
Thanks.