Day 6
I did not feel like posting until I had some sober time under my belt. I think I had around 14 days or so last time I was posting. I chose to drink during my last slip which lasted a couple days of binge drinking until the depression and anxiety caused from drinking caused me to start over. Other than the first day of withdrawal symptoms, it has been okay, but today has been intensely difficult. I feel like I have had intense cravings the entire day, and I would have bet at the beginning of the day that there was a 75% chance of drinking. I somehow got through the day, mostly by living in the present moment mindfully throughout the day. There is a lot of stress in my life right now, which is why I think having continuous sobriety is difficult for me. But I know that if I have that first drink, I will drink until I pass out, have a difficult night sleeping and wake up feeling badly, and then knowing I have to work on Tuesday. I am working the 12 steps online, coming on SR, have a sober friend I talk to and exercising. I know that a 12 step support group may help me, but to be honest, I just do not feel like going.
I know that alcohol will fix my short term anxiety and stress that I am currently feeling, as well as give me a brief break from my life, but that then the price to pay will be a lot more stress and anxiety. And so I know that I have to just bite the bullet and tolerate the anxiety and stress that I currently feel.