Originally Posted by
Anna 
Thomas, I'm very sorry to hear about your father's poor health.
I think you need to do some soul-searching and decide whether there are things you want to say to your father before he dies. I went through this with my mother. We had only minimal contact for years and when she was dying I wanted to be really sure that I wouldn't regret not talking with her before she died. I knew she would NEVER apologize for the abuse, I knew she would deny anything I said. So, I visited her and talked of nothing important. I have never regretted my decision because I know her denial would have devastated me and I was in early recovery at the time.
Do you want to see your father and let him know that you are there? You have the answer to that.
This is a really good point.
One ACTION you might consider taking would be to do a step4-9 specifically focused on you, your father and your relationship with him.
What might come out of that is a clarification of resentments, regrets, hurts, issues and things that you feel compelled to communicate with him.
Or, maybe it would help you lay to rest unease over some things that you come to realize and are ready to let go of.
If not the steps - maybe just some journaling or therapy work around the question;
What issues to I have relating to my father?
What do I wish I could hear from him?
What do I wish I could say to him?
Anyway..... regardless of any of that you don't have to relapse over anyone's death.
Nobody's death needs to also be yours.