Thanks. I don't really want to divorce my husband, the idea would be to use it as a wake up call to stop drinking. However, my husband is very independent, and it's possible that he would say -- OK, let's divorce, and then use the divorce as a major source of drama and distraction away from the issue of his drinking.
We are not in a bad place, but drinking 4 oversized drinks a day is unhealthy, and it's not good for our relationship. I can detach to the point of leaving him on the couch to drink by himself, and that's pretty much where we are at right now, but I don't want to let it go like that for the rest of our lives and see him decline. He has recently gone on a sleep apnea machine and I think it's caused by the drinking. He also has high blood pressure. His path right now is not good, and it won't be good for the kids to see him drunk on the couch as they are growing up.
I am not sure how to handle things -- I am not sure whether to talk to his parents, but what can they do? His family has a culture of drinking but his mom and dad drink socially and have control. He drinks every day. I am not sure they would not see me as the bad guy if we split up.
If we go to a family function and he drinks, what do I do? We are gathering for Mother's Day tomorrow, and going to a family wedding soon. Should we just stay a short while? Should I tell him to control his drinking before each event? I don't want to mother him and he does not want to be instructed on how to live.
I could send him links to this web site and other sites about alcoholism. I just don't know what to do.
What are al-anon meetings like? I was reading about a program yesterday about controlling the beast of addiction. (Rational Recovery) - this seems like what I think would be a good fit. I am not willing at this time to say his drinking is not his fault. Also, my life is not in a shambles and I might not fit into the Alanon groups. Most of all, I don't want to hear -- oh, he's only drinking a hafl liter a day -- that's not so bad!