Nonotme

Hi, I am joining this forum to ask for advice on how to handle my husband's alcohol use, which is causing a disconnect in our marriage.

DH drinks nearly every day and the quantities he drinks is definitely high -- he will drink maybe 4 drinks a night, and his portion sizes of a "drink" is large. For example, a glass of straight vodka or a mix of a half tumbler of whiskey with a ice and coke.

While I do not monitor his drinking closely, he drinks nearly every day. The drinking is not causing any problems in his life yet, although it is causing difficulty in our relationship, I find him boring when he drinks and his conversation is one sided. He probably is having some depression because his favorite thing is sitting in front of the TV with a drink, and other than that, he goes to work.

I also believe his attitude is becoming worse and his memory may be affected. But he keeps a job, does very well at work, and takes care of the house. He is involved with our children's activities and is able to be sober at their activities.

I have started to comment on his drinking, which upsets him.

I need to tell him to get help. I have told him recently that he is either on a path to get better or worse, and that his drinking is a high risk, his health will get worse, etc.

I am considering giving him an ultimatum, although I do not want to separate or divorce, I could do it and follow through. I will need to learn about how to do that. I would want to and believe I would be able to keep the house and the kids. I am a stay at home parent, and I would need to find a job, but I believe it could be done and we would manage. It would not be fun or easy.

I am a long term thinker and I do not like where this is headed for the next 10 to 20 years.

I wonder -- can I tell him to stop drinking and will he stop? Can I invite him to a marriage counseling or retreat? Can I encourage him to see someone for depression? Can I just plan our lives to keep him busy enough so he's not on the couch and we have things to do with friends and activities with our kids in the evenings?

6 months ago we got a dog and I was hoping it would help with his depression. Unfortunately it's not enough.

I either want him to stop or dramatically reduce his alcohol consumption.

Up until now, I have been doing my own thing, just not spending much time with him in the evenings when he drinks, but the problem is, it's probably going to get worse and I don't want to grow old with him with his mind messed up and his habit becoming worse and his health in bad shape.

What do I do?