I agree with Flygirl. Make your own frigging retreat!
You need healing equally!! It is just as hard on the partner!
If you have access to funds, book a weekend at a spa or retreat. If you emptied the bank account to send him where he went, sign up as a "new student" at a local yoga studio (there is usually a special "try-it-out" rate) or gym, & then immerse yourself!
If you have children, enlist a trusted friend (or even take a leap & enlist a trusted sort-of-friend) to give you time off.
We create our lives! We can fume that our life is not caring for us, or we can design it to nurture us!!
Whatever your nurturing feels like (spa, gym, sleep, time with friends, sitting in a cafe with a book) - do as much as you can!!
I am now single, and I do self-nurturing, joyous **** all the time!!
It is great practice to decide what you want & need & then make it happen!
When I was broke, my girlfriends & I would meet & do "home spa days," - painting each other's toenails, putting masks on faces, braiding hair. The spa part wasn't too important. It was hanging out with girlfriends, laughing, nurturing each other.
Nobody but you is going to make sure your soul & heart are full or that your body is cared for! That is 100% your job!
You've been through hell! You're investing resources in his recovery! Please, invest what you can access (be it $ or friendship) to jumpstart your own recovery!
Of course you're envious! You are not taking care of your nurturing needs!